Archive for January, 2008

mucong takes ‘em for a ride

January 31, 2008

“Hey! Mucong! You are finally here!”
“Yes. I am always here, you know that.”
“Can you not be on time?”
“Hey! What can I do with a bus like this, I ask you.”
“Well. Come in and sit. I’ll give you your orders.”
“Sitting where the earth doesn’t move is relaxation, I can tell you. Don’t mind if I do.”
Mucong’s boots clicked on the concrete and then clicked down the parqueted hallway to Lianzi’s office. Mucong liked the sound of his boots on the floor and took small steps so he could hear himself longer, like a naughty schoolboy with a squeaky chair enjoying the squeak-squeak as he shifted this way and that. Only, nobody shouted at Mucong to stop what he was doing. The office was similarly floored. The whitewashed walls echoed his footsteps to his great pleasure.
Mucong was smiling when he sat down in the over-stuffed armchair. Already, Lianzi was seated behind his desk, a glass of tea in his hand. Another glass of tea sat on the end table next to the armchair. Mucong sat deeply and took up the glass, raising it and tilting it toward Lianzi. Lianzi did the same.
“Ahh! This is fine sugar you have with your tea, Lianzi.”
“Thank you, Mucong. We do our best to please.”
“This is good of you.”
“As always. What can our favorite bus driver expect, eh?”
“Certainly no more, I think.”
“Of course. We can only go so far at The Divine Miracle Retreat Centre. The dudes, you know.”
“Oh, yes. The dudes. Must keep them high and dry, yes. Tell me, do you still give them sugar cubes?”
“Only the least of the least. Must keep them happy.”
“Oh, yes. Happiness. There’s goodness in it.”
“Drink up then.”
Mucong drank his tea down, Adam’s apple bobbing with each luscious swallow. This was truly the life. Driving a bus and sitting around offices drinking tea. And he got paid for it. Lovely. Lovely.
Lianzi looked up when he finished his paperwork. “Ok. Here it is.” He handed the voucher to Mucong. “You take 20 dudes to Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination. That’s it.”
“So I see here. That’s not too many today.”
“No. Not too many. They are expected but you can take your time. The dudes will enjoy the scenery.”
“Oh, yes. I’m sure. Not much of that here.”
“From the top of the mountain you can see forever.”
“Many of your dudes don’t need mountaintops, Lianzi.”
“How well you know our clientele.”
“How long have I been driving bus, eh?”
“Long enough I’m sure. You’ve got calluses on your ass, from so long sitting.”
“Still does not make the jouncing and bouncing enjoyable, you know.”
“Get some shocks, Mucong.”
“Oh, no, no. That costs money.”
“You must spend some to get some, they say.”
“Whoever they are they are wrong. You spend money, you ain’t got money.”
“I hear you got money in your lumpy mattress.”
“Urban legend, Lianzi. Urban legend. You know how people love to talk. Anything to occupy their minds and their tongues. The more outrageous the story, the more likely it is to be believed, don’t you know.”
“Oh, yes. Lots of outrageous stories up here.”
“I’m sure. You must take me to the bar and tell me some. Some days I need a good laugh.”
“Not all the stories are humorous, Mucong.”
“I don’t want to hear them. I got a life you know.”
“Life, did you say? Don’t you mean wife?”
“When you got two you got the blues for sure.”
“And so for the one on the side, what have you got?”
“You talk urban legend again, Lianzi. All such tales fall to a handsome man like me.”
“Ho! Now you are telling stories! You are so handsome only another monkey could love you.”
“Is this any way to talk amongst friends?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well, then. Fill up my tea.”
“At your service, oh urban legend cowboy.”
Lianzi’s boots did not click as he walked across the parquet floor to get Mucong’s class and then into the backroom to fill both of their glasses. Mucong looked out the window at the tree branches swaying gently in the breeze and the dudes clambering into the bus. Some of them rolled their eyes. Some of them skipped about, flailing their arms. All of them jabbered, though Mucong could only tell this from their opening and closing jaws. No sound passed through the thick glass windows.
Lianzi returned and sat in the chair next to Mucong. Together in silence they drank their sweet tea, each pretending it was something else. A knock at the door disturbed their reveries.
“Lianzi, sir. The bus is loaded.”
“Thank you, Dami.” Dami left, gently closing the door behind her. “Well, it looks as if it’s time to say good-bye.”
“I’ll use your private john first, you know. The roads are not so good and the rest stops far too few.”
“Oh, yes. Of course. You are better this color than a yellow bastard.”
Mucong laughed as he click-clicked into the backroom. When he returned, Lianzi was standing. The friends walked each other to the door and out into the concrete yard.
“Call me when you get there, Mucong.”
“You think I can get lost?”
“No, no. There is no losing you.”
Mucong mounted the rummy rubber stairs into his bus and pulled the lever shutting the doors. “Okay,” he shouted back to his passengers. “We’re off for the ride of your lives.”
As Mucong started the bus, grinding and grinding the starter until the motor turned over, the dudes cheered and bounced on their seats. Squeaking and squealing filled the length of the bus as Mucong backed it up and out of the The Divine Miracle Retreat Centre concrete courtyard. Grinding the gears, sputtering and spluttering the bus took off down the dusty road, Mucong being sure to hit every bump and fill every pothole. This, of course, was not difficult—the road was none too wide. But the dudes enjoyed it, so Mucong obliged them. He was not going fast enough to be dangerous. The bus could not go fast enough anyway. So all was well.
About half way to Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination, Mucong decided he was thirsty and a little hungry. He knew of a nice little place along the road, so he decided to make a pit stop. Slowly, slowly with brakes squealing and complaining, he pulled into The Well, so named because once there had been a well there. People came for water. Now the well was unused, perhaps contaminated from disuse, and the people came for a different kind of water. On the weekends, The Well was a very spirited place. There was also a bathroom out back. Mucong had a second glass of tea to dispose of.
Without thought, Mucong left the bus and ducked into The Well. The darkness inside was a pleasant reprieve from the sun and dry wind outside. The silence, too, was welcome. Mucong’s ears rang from the joyous shouting and nonsensical conversation that banged around in his tin bus.
“Hey, Mucong!”
“Hey, Kuaitou! Set me up, will you, okay boy. I’m out to get rid of some tea.”
When Mucong returned, heels clicking on the flagstone floor, hoisting up his large bullhide belt and clicking his silver longhorn buckle together, Kuaitou had a long, tall cold beer awaiting him.
“Where you going today, my friend?”
“Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination.”
“Oh. Then this is an illegal stop, Mucong.”
“Nothing that should worry you, Kuaitou. It is dark in here, you cannot see well.”
“But my hearing is very good. There is no bus that sounds like yours.”
“Only a pit stop. What can go wrong, eh? Don’t worry. Get me another, I feel a particular need.”
“Ho-ho! Which of the wives is it this time, eh?”
“Hey! I only have one.”
“Legal.”
“Well, that is true. Let’s drink to the other one.”
Kuaitou poured himself a glass, somewhat smaller than Mucong’s. Mucong’s glass was special. There was no other in the house quite as large. Kuaitou shook his head at the size of Mucong’s gulp. Mucong explained it to him this way: as he was only 1/10th good when he was 1/10th drunk, he needed a 9/10th glass so that he could reach his limit sooner and thus enjoy his goodness.
Although Mucong only drank three beers, he talked alot about this and that, about this wife and that one and Kuaitou was a willing listener. There were not many customers dropping by The Well during the day. So, when Mucong went outside, his thirst was quenched, the sun was well past meridian and the bus was empty. All of the dudes had gotten off and disappeared into parts unknown. Whatever was he going to do with all of these crazies running round the place? And what was he to do about his delivery? Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination was expecting a busload of left-outside wackos.
Mucong scratched his head but there was nothing forthcoming, so he climbed back into the bus and started on his journey again. Surely something would come along.
“Luck be a lady tonight,” he muttered. And, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all.” Then Mucong began singing the blues. Cowboy blues.
As he was filling the skies and the sulky ears of the wild dogs with his vocal gymnastics, he came upon a bus stop. The people were standing helter-skelter. They were sweating. Some were sitting. Some were leaning against trees that had no leaves

or the bus stop sign post. Some squatted in the dust. They had been waiting a long time. All of them looked at Mucong’s bus with bleary, hopeful, wanting eyes.
Mucong shrugged. Why not?
He pulled over and opened his door.
“Hey! I’ll give you a free ride to the end of the line. How’s about it?”
A chorus of voices rose out of the sweat soaked dryness in praise of his goodheartedness. Although they all boarded the bus much as the crazy dudes had, their chatter and snippets of songs and praise for Mucong made more sense. Mucong only acknowledged their thanks with a nod of the head. He had to make good time.
Not only because he was so late and Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination was expecting a load but if he didn’t hurry he’d lose his new passengers. Mucong needn’t have worried, though. Not one of his passengers once bothered to check out the scenery or question where he was taking them, so thankful were they for getting a lift, getting out of the hot sun and the wind whipped dust.
So it goes.
When Mucong arrived at Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination, the staff were glad to see him. The sun was all but down, burning the horizon and the windblown sky. Most everyone wanted to go home. The passengers, before they knew what was happening, were whisked away, their belongings stripped from them and packed away into one cell or another, depending on the voucher and the previous communiqué from The Divine Miracle Retreat Centre. The invoice was signed and Mucong was paid and everybody was happy. Especially Mucong.
What a good day’s work it had been! These people had asked to be taken for a ride. They didn’t ask where to. Mucong had obliged them. He had a job to do, a quota to fill. End of story. Mucong was proud of his ingenuity.

Mucong put the pedal to the floor as he raced out of the gates of Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination mental hospital. He’s surely not see himself coming here again. Perhaps he’d go to Mississippi or Alabama, one of those kinds of places. Start up another bus line. Nobody knew the difference.
By the time Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination discovered the mistake, some two weeks later, Mucong had vacated the premises.
Now who was to fix up the mess, eh?

pissed about pistorius

January 29, 2008

Oscar Pistorius is a gimp. A crip. A handicapped man with an attitude. He’s also what’s known, in disability circles, as a super-crip. This is a somewhat pejorative label as it gives the rest of us a bad name–by and for the mainstream abled community. Super-crips make the rest of us look like slackers, like lazy no-goods out for a hand-out: if he can do it, why can’t you?, ask the able-bodied.
Let me here engage in blonde sorority girl ingenuousness: Well du-uh! Is anybody home?
From one gimp to a whole bunch of able-bodied people: Can you do what Michael Johnson did? Can you do as well as Wilt the Stilt? Are you Bret Favre? How about Ronaldinho, can you play like him? No. Of course you can’t. Why? These people are exceptional. . .and you’re not. You’re just average. Like most disabled, very many of whom are ex-military.
The very worst athlete you see on TV is better than any athlete you’ve ever met.
So, if you can’t do what these athletes can do, why do you expect all crips to perform like super-crips, the exceptions to the rule?
Prejudice. Pure and simple.
We’re a sign of the fragility and meaninglessness of life. We are the embodiment of your life-fear: there but for the grace of God go I. So. . .God’s grace has been taken from the disabled and it’s therefore A-OK to ignore the disabled, want the disabled out of the way, treat the disabled poorly, as if they’re something less? Why is it they have to fight so hard for inclusion in this society? Where’s the humanity?
And now that a super-crip can perform at the level of an able-bodied exception, the prejudice surfaces with a vengeance. Why? Because a gimp is as good as a non-gimp and that makes the abled look like they’re less than they are. You think? And, by God, he can’t do that to us!
In reality, all Oscar Pistorius has done is overcome a handicap that most normal and, probably, most exceptional people could not overcome. And that pisses y’all off. Who the hell does he think he is, acting like a normal person? He’s a fucking crip! He belongs on the sidelines, living a bare subsistence life, dependent on the pity and piteous welfare of peoples and governments, living in holes in the wall or nursing homes–just damn well anywhere but out in public and independent. Yeah?
What an insult, what an embarrassment Helen Keller was to the abled community. Yeah?
Homer (blind). Milton (blind). Beethoven (deaf). Goebbels (club foot). Henry VIII (club foot). Cher (dyslexic). FDR (post polio syndrome). Abe Lincoln (manic-depressive). Lord Byron (club foot, manic-depressive). Lord Horatio Nelson (blind in one eye). Sarah Bernhardt (one leg). Steven Hawking (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis). Walt Disney (learning disabled). Miss America 1995, Heather Whitestone McCallum (deaf). Deafy Hoy (baseball pitcher who invented umpire signs). Curtis Pride (baseball outfielder). The great NFL running back John Mackey (one leg shorter than the other). Moshe Dayan (blind in one eye).
Why is it that a disabled person must out-perform any and all abled persons in order to gain respect and recognition? Why is it when he does he is suddenly not allowed to compete? Why? Because he’s too good. And his disability shows. His adjustment to disability and his will to perform, no greater than any other exceptional athlete’s will to perform, is right out in the open.
What an insult to Michael Johnson if Oscar “Gimp” Pistorius even ties his record–a record gained by specially rearranging Olympic events so Johnson could perform at such a high level. Pistorius isn’t asking the Olympics for anything special to enhance his performance.
Oh! There’s the key word: enhance. Performance enhancing drugs disqualify you from the Olympics. Performance enhancing drugs for the able-bodied. Performance enhancing drugs that raise the ability of the abled above their natural capability limits. Since cheetahs enhance Legless Pistorius’ performance, he can be eliminated, too. Right? Well. . .he’s not normal able-bodied to begin with so. . .is it the same kind of enhancement? No. But it doesn’t matter: he’s a crip out-performing most able-bodied athletes and we just can’t allow that. Y’know?
So. . .the Olympic Committee gets together and in their able-bodied sagacity and prejudice ruminate over the matter. They decide to do a simulation. That simulation proved to them that, yes, Gimpy Pistorius’ cheetahs are an enhancement because he doesn’t have to put out as much effort as an able-bodied man. Let’s forget that he doesn’t have the legs to do what an able-bodied man could do to begin with, yeah?
But there’s a problem here. As Karl Popper points out in Conjectures and Refutations, simulations will always prove what you are setting out to prove because of the way the experiment is set up: with prejudice, with the desired end in sight. This, he says, proves nothing. If you want to prove a theory–and it is only a theory that Pistorius’ artificial limbs are performance enhancers in the illegal Olympic sense–you must try to prove that that theory is wrong. If you can’t, then, at least for the moment, you’re right. A simulation does not prove a theory at all; it proves a preconceived notion, a prejudgment. . .a prejudice.
A disabled person performing at the level of world class able-bodied athletes is untenable. It’s unheard of. Until now. Well, at least for the Olympic Committee members. They’re not up on their sports history: asthma is a disabling disease and many Olympic athletes have asthma yet they are allowed to compete even though they are taking medication that contains the performance enhancing drugs known as “steroids” and “speed.” All they have to do was tell the Olympic Committee they were taking this drug for their asthmatic condition, their disease, their disability. Pistorius doesn’t have to tell anyone of his performance enhancer–that an able-bodied man could not use–because it’s visible to all and sundry. Steroidal anti-asthmatic medication allows a person to perform beyond his normal capability; so, too, Pistorius’ cheetahs. What’s the difference? Well, I think you can see need. And the man’s got no lower legs. And he can run. And he has overcome his disability to such an extent that he can perform at world class able-bodied level. Those asthmatics couldn’t without their drugs. So, what’s the difference?
After all. . .a disabled man can’t do as well as an abled man, right? I mean, he isn’t supposed to be able to. I mean, we can’t let this happen. Can we? A disabled man as good as. . .me?
Hell no!
Disqualified!
On what grounds? Able-bodied prejudice. Fear. Fear of failure: a crip can do what a non-crip can’t. It doesn’t matter that we do what the abled can’t do every day: listen to yourselves. . .I’d hate to be like that, I could never. . . .
The Olympic Committee has effectively taken the disabled agenda to the international arena where everyone can see their narrow-minded, dismissive, segregationist attitude, the attitude that keeps us marginalized, inferior and worthless.
Oscar Pistorius asks for recognition and the OC, able-bodied athletes and the press spit in his face.
George Washington couldn’t have won much of anything if it hadn’t been for his two disabled officers. Yeah. Get that: the Father of the USA needed crips to be a winner.

the boy who would be hero

January 21, 2008

“Dick-boy!” called George the Dragon Killer.
And like magic, as if he’d known beforehand, Dick-boy was there, in the room, just inside the door. His hulking frame, his head cocked to one side, blocked much of the light. George had not yet opened or had opened for him his shuttered windows, whence two streaks of light tore across the floor and up the opposite walls.
“Saddle m horse. I’m going out and I’m going farther than before.”
“Whatever for, Sir George?”
“A hero’s job is never done, Dick-boy.”
“Yes, sir. And what of breakfast?”
“I’m a hero, Dick-boy.”
“As you say, sir. But even heroes must eat.”
“Oh, alright. Have me a tankard of ale and a loaf of black bread sent in. That’ll do me.”
“As you say, sir.” And Dick-boy suddenly disappeared.
For the umpteenth time, George wondered how Dick-boy did these appearing and disappearing things but it was no use trying to figure it out–the workings of these lower-downs was really quite beyond him.
Candy-girl brought George his breakfast and stood demurely against the wall til he had finished. Then, she took the plate and tankard away. George belched and rose from his table. His stomach rumbled a little and he was reminded of how long it had been since he’d had a decent meal. He liked black bread and ale but the sameness of the routine bothered him. It was, in truth, wearing on is nerves. As was the idleness–or, rather, the lack of encountering heroic situations.
Sir George strode out into the bare courtyard, where even the grass refused to grow. He had his mighty bow and quiver full of arrows. Karl-boy stood by his horse’s head with his trusty golden lance, never broken during battle. But it did not gleam in the pale sunlight. George looked up into the washed out blue sky with its straggly, used up clouds and wondered again at what had happened to the world.
Karl-boy watched from bland eyes as his master mounted his golden gelding. He handed Sir George his lance and stepped back. The horse groaned a bit under George’s weight but stood its ground. It took George several kicks in the side to get the beat moving before off they went at a leisurely walk. Although George grimaced slightly, perhaps this pace was better until he’d passed through his demesne.
Once again, as he had for uncountable mornings, Sir George The Dragon Killer rode tall through fields of emptiness. Stubble there was and an occasional sorry stalk of some grain or other, but otherwise nothing. Not even vermin or insects roamed the dry earth. The trees scattered around, dotting the hazy horizon here and there, showed dull, dusted green leaves on branches that sagged earthward.
How long had the world around him been barren? George could not recall. A long time, that was for sure. Why it was this way was a conundrum the hero could not get his mind around. He consoled himself by telling himself that it was his job to do, not to think. That is what a hero did. A hero acted. He killed problems and since he had to eat, he killed his food as well. When there had been game, he’d been good at it. Unsurpassed. For his aim was unerring. After all, he was a hero. Sometimes he used his hunting as an excuse to keep his skills sharp. Sir George The Dragon Killer was proud of himself. His abilities never atrophied.
Yes. All in all, despite the lack of game, George had a good life, he thought.
It wasn’t til after passing through the once fecund now fallen fallow cropland that his horse began to canter. George felt better at this pace and so was not bothered so much by the lack of a view. But he did pull his steed up short upon spying a forest up ahead. This was a sure sign he’d gone farther than he’d ever gone before. It was a lush green forest with tall-standing trees and dancing foliage, for there was a breeze. That brought his head around: a breeze. He could feel the breeze. He could smell the air. He felt invigorated. Surely there was life here and he’d eat well tonight. Sir George’s mouth watered. He kicked his trusty charger into a gallop. Unlike earlier in the morning, this did not take much effort.
The forest was much farther away than it appeared and by the time they entered its cool shade, the horse was sweating and snorting and foaming t the mouth. Horse and rider slowed to a walk, savoring the smell and the feel. George’s exceptional hearing picked up the sounds of stirrings amongst the trees and in the underbrush. He knew, though, that it was small stuff so he didn’t bother to look. He was after bigger game.
It would be nice, too, if there were a stream or a well.
The time passed almost unnoticed and then George spotted a clearing ahead. And in that clearing, his keen eyesight espied a fowl. A partridge. A very fat partridge. He moved a little closer, steadied his mount and took aim. His arrow flew silently and swiftly through the fresh air and sank itself into its target. The bird keeled over without a sound. But as George was cantering in to gather up his kill, a keening cleft the air.
When George broke into the clearing, a skinny old lady dressed in rags stood over the fallen fowl howling her grief, hands raised in the air, a look of horror on her gnarled and crinkled face. The door to her lean-to stood open and her spinning wheel lay spilled on the ground, thread sprawled everywhere. She looked up at George’s approach.
“You bastard!” she cursed. “Look what you’ve done.”
George looked. “Yes! I’ve just shot my dinner. Excellent marksmanship, don’t you think?”
“It was my only laying hen you shot!”
George dismounted. He looked closely at the dead bird.
“Yes. You’re right. It is a hen,” he said.
“Damn right I’m right. What are you going to do about it?”
“Do? I’m going to take it home and eat it.” And George reached for the dead thing.
The old woman sprang between him and his goal. “Over my dead body!”
“Surely you jest. I’m a hero. I always get what I want.”
“Not this time, buster.”
“Who the hell are you to challenge me?”
“I’m the old lady of the woods and this is my bird.”
“Life’s tough, honey. Tell me about it.”
“You want to take my hen and leave me to starve to death. Is that it?”
“That’s it.”
“Well, that isn’t it. . .unless you pay me first.”
“Pay you? With what?”
“You haven’t got anything on you?”
“What good’s money when you’re out hunting?”
“You haven’t got anything on you?”
“What good’s money out here in the woods?”
“Well, then. You have to kill me to get the bird.” She pulled her scrawny self up to her full height, perhaps her head came up to Sir George’s nose, so she was not too terribly intimidating.
“Okay,” shrugged George The Dragon Killer and he drew his sword and cut off her head in one fell swoop. “Evil old lady,” he muttered as her head plopped onto the ground and rolled around. “Dinner and one less witch in the world,” Sir George The Dragon Killer said to himself. He was quite satisfied. It had been a good day.
Sir George carried the arrowed trophy-hen proudly over his shoulder.
“Zippity-doo-dah, zippity-ay,” he sang.
He turned to look back at the forest before the long journey home. The color was not so green and the leaves did not rustle. Somehow, the woods had sunk in on itself, it wasn’t so big any more. Like all the life had been taken out of it.
Sir George the hero wondered why it is this happened wherever he went. He shook his head. And then he turned round and headed home.
“My, oh my, what a wonderful day,” he sang.

what’s my story?

January 11, 2008

Crashing flash! Throbbing pain. Burning. Bulbous noise. She held her breath. And then tried again. This time, little by little. She opened her eyes. Oh, lord, did that hurt! Screeching whiteness. No–she couldn’t maintain it. Closed her eyes again.
In the pulsing darkness, she felt her body. She was lying on her back. Whatever she was lying on was hard. Very hard. There was a lot of noise around. Jarring her bones. Making her ears bounce and hurt a little inside. Great rumbling noises made her body vibrate.
She rolled over onto her side and pushed herself up. She listened a little longer. The vibrations were not so drumming. Then she opened her eyes again.
Still bright. But there wasn’t so much pain. She put her hand over her eyes, shielding them from the brightness above. Where was this?
These. . .things moving, moving. Going this way and that. Big ones and little ones. All making noise. The big ones bigger noise. And blaring D-flats.
How did she know about D-flat?
She was getting a headache again.
She was the silent one, the still one in this mass of movement and noise. Around her, paying her no mind, were people. People moving helter skelter. Great masses of heaving color that hummed along. Clicked along. Lights flashing.
Over there. Trees and grass. A bench. A place to sit.
She got up and walked–stumbled would be more accurate–to the bench and sat down on its warm wood, feeling the spaces between the slats. Not a very comfortable place to sit but better than lying on the–street? pavement?
Where the hell was she?!
Wherever she was, it looked like something she recognized. Something that was similar to something she remembered. Something. . . .
But where did she remember it from?
She creased her brows.
Who was she?
Ahh. . .now there she was on firm ground: she couldn’t remember who she was. She didn’t know who she was.
Was this an alternate universe?
Was she one monkey waiting for 99 more?
She had to get away from this noise! It was making her hair shake.
So she walked. The more she walked, the longer she walked the easier it became until she was moving along rather fluidly. But where was she going? No direction. Anywhere.
No. This was not good.
She looked up at the sky, searching for the brightest glare.
How did she know to go to her left? Without thinking, she did it. And then asked herself this question: How did I know to go to the left? This place wasn’t anywhere she knew, despite the vast similarities, so how could she be sure left was the right way? This place, this world could be exactly the opposite of her world. The world she came from to be here.
How did she get here?
She didn’t remember falling. She did remember a thud, though. And then she was here. In this place. As if she’d been dropped into this world.
Why?
What was she doing here?
Who was she?
Lord!–she had to get to a quieter place so she could think.
The glaring sky told her nothing. The world around her blurred. Her body kept on pounding along. Numbed. Apprehending nothing. Just moving. And then suddenly the noise stopped. She kept on going. She kept going until she felt the difference in color around her. She stopped. She looked around. She turned back the way she had come. All the noise was over there, in that hazy bulging upward, vertical mass of. . .spires?
And she sat down. On the green. Grass? She didn’t know. She didn’t know if that’s what it was in this place but somewhere inside her it was grass. So she called it grass in her mind. She felt it. It felt the same as usual. Usual? How did she know it was usual, this touch? This kind of softness with hard edges. Pointy. Kind of cool. Was she feeling it make noise? She put her ear down to it. Leaned down. Ran her fingers over its roughness. Comforting noise.
How did she know it was comforting?
“Hey! What are you doing?”
She looked up. A man stood at the bottom of the hill.
She looked at him. She squinched her eyebrows together.
“I said, what are you doing?”
“I don’t know. Sitting on the grass.”
“I can see that. Who gave you permission?”
“I need permission?”
“You’re not from around here, are you?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?”
“No. I’m not. Where am I?”
“Here. In Havenwood.”
“Oh. Where’s that?”
Pause.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m not hurt, if that’s what you mean.”
“How did you get here? I mean, the way you’re dressed, you’re not usual, you know?”
“I’m not?”
“No.”
“I feel like I was dropped in.”
“Maybe you better come with me.”
“Can you help me?”
“I can take you somewhere.”
“Okay.”
She got up and walked down the hill. When she stood next to him, she found he was very much shorter than she was. Perhaps head and shoulders shorter. She’d never felt so tall before.
“You’re tall. We don’t make many tall women here. We don’t make many tall men, either.”
“You make people here?”
“You know. Not make as in machines but, you know, grow.”
“Like plants?”
“No. We get born.”
“Oh.”
They continued walking along in silence. He led her into a squat reddish building with greyish lines running up and down, isolating little squares of color. Flat glass doors like a mouth. Flat glass windows like eyes. The doors swallowed them up. The eyes did not change their expression.
“Where’s this?”
“The headman lives here. He’ll know what to do.”
“Yes.”
“You know the headman?”
“No. I don’t know anybody.”
Silently they walked through some halls.
“I’m tired. I’d like to rest. I’ve been through alot today. I think I came from over there.”
“Okay. He’ll find a place for you to stay.”
“Good. I’d like to lie down.”
And then they were in a small room.
“Hey. I’ve brought you someone.”
“Hey. Where did you find her?”
“Sitting in the park.”
“The park?!”
“Yeah. Imagine that. No one gave her permission.”
“Hey. Who are you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where do you come from?”
“I don’t know. I just woke up and found myself here.”
“She said she felt as if she was dropped in.”
“Dropped in, eh?”
“Yes. And she’s tired.”
“Hungry, too?”
“Yes. Hungry, too.”
“We should let you rest and eat first.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey. Take her to Na’s place. She’ll take care of her.”
“Okay.”
“Then come back here. I’ll call the elders for a council.”
“Okay.”
* * *
Shoulder to shoulder around the oblong table the men sat. The headman and the elders. And the finder man.
“What are we to make of this, then?”
“It is very strange. Very strange indeed.”
“There have been no strangers in a long time.”
“No. She’s very tall.”
“She dresses. . .differently.”
“She talks a little off.”
“And her skin color. . .”
“Yes.”
The heavy ticking of the clock pounded the walls. They looked around the table. A few coughed. A few looked elsewhere. The headman looked at the finder man.
“I think she’s the one,” said the latter.
“How can she be? She’s a woman.”
“Yes. There has never been a woman before.”
“She is a very tall woman.”
“Larger than life.”
“Where is she from?”
“That’s a mystery. She’s not saying.”
“She just. . .appeared.”
“Right when we need her.”
Silence.
“Yes. That seems to fit.”
“Fate is a funny thing, you know.”
“You can never be too sure.”
“Are we to continue as we are?”
“We cannot remain passive,” said the headman. “I am for taking action on this.”
“To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom, it is being controlled”
Pause. The elders looked around at each other.
“Will she go along with us?”
“Why should she not? She is here. Nothing happens without a reason.”
“She may put up a fight.”
“Deny herself.”
“That’s part of the pattern.”
“She’s already denying who she is.”
A collective, “Eh?”
The headman and the finder nodded.
“Well, then.”
“We must proceed, it seems.”
“Tomorrow morning at Na’s. She has a nice courtyard in the back.”
* * *
She sat facing the group of men. She frowned and held her breath. This gathering was definitely unbalanced. She didn’t know who she was. She didn’t know where she was. And now she was confronted by this. . .tribunal. How was she supposed to act? She shifted in her seat. Crossed her legs. Crossed her arms. These men were obviously here to tell her something. Could it be they knew something about herself? She could only wait.
She looked at the group of men. They looked back at her and then away to each other. Focus came to the headman. She looked at the headman. He looked at her.
“I trust you had a good night.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“You are rested from your journey?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Good.”
She uncrossed her legs and crossed them the other way.
The finder coughed.
“We know who you are.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Yes. We do.”
“Who am I?”
“You are our hero.”
She uncrossed her legs. She uncrossed her arms. She beat on her thighs with her hands. She laughed.
“Surely you jest! I am no hero.”
“How do you know?”
She looked sharply at the finder. “Yes. You are right.”
“Yes.”
“Yes.” She leaned forward and looked at these men who seemed to know more about her than she did. This was perhaps reassuring. “Could this be illusion?”
“No, no, no. Nothing of the sort. What in the universe is not true?”
“We have dreamed of your coming?”
“So I am a dream?”
“Come true. A dream come true.”
“Dreams are part of life. Of the universe.”
“I could be a bad dream–”
“Not at all! You are just what we asked for.”
“You cannot dream me into a character.”
“Yes.”
“So, who am I?”
“Hero.”
“Our Hero.”
“What an odd name. Hero.”
“Odder still as that is what you are.” The headman giggled a little.
She smiled into the silence. A breeze disturbed the leaves. Gave them voice. Gave itself a voice, for otherwise it was just air. The passing of air was ever accompanied by a voicing. Without something standing in the way, the wind has no voice. Nor do the trees. Rain, too, is nothing until it demolishes itself upon trees and people, houses and streets. The sound nevertheless surrounds you like an orchestra and carries you away, protects you. There is no character in isolation. All the world is one. Then. When there is a voice, an acquaintance. It was not one for Hero.
“I am who I am and I am what I am?”
“Why, yes, that’s the way it is.”
“My name says it all.”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“The name you gave me.” Pause. “The role you give me.”
“A man’s character is his fate.”
“Do you have a better one?”
“No. But–”
“Yes??”
“I don’t feel like a hero. I’ve never done anything to be considered a hero. What is a hero?”
“A hero’s life is in the making.”
“In the future.”
“I can’t do anything.”
“I told you! Didn’t I?”
“Shush! This is to be expected.”
“What is to be expected?”
“Well,” the finder began hesitantly, “you meet the criteria.”
“I’m getting a headache.”
“Na,” said the headman.
Medicine was brought. Everyone sat silent and still for a time.
“Do you feel better now?”
“I’m sure it will go away.”
“Yes. Havenwood is known for its drugs. We can even make a sick dog feel better.”
Nervous laughter.
“What is it you are seeking?”
“The memory of me.”
“We are giving you this.”
“Tell me how I fit the bill when I don’t even know who I am?”
“We know who you are.”
“But I don’t feel like Hero. I don’t even know where I am or where I came from.”
“That is the way it is.”
“Heroes come out of nowhere.”
“When they are needed.”
“And they are more than we are.”
“You mean my height?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“But I am no one. I am not up to this.”
“You are no one without others.”
“I have no character.”
“We are giving the propriety.”
“What if I don’t want it?”
“Heroes usually do not. . .it is said.”
“You see. . .there are historical precedents.”
“I see.”
“Yes.”
“What is it I’m supposed to do?”
All of the men sat back heaving sighs.
“You are here to save us from ourselves.”
She laughed.
“Yes. It is laughable, isn’t it? But it’s true.”
“We have become inundated with a particular kind of pandemic. Passive Ignorance Insensitivity Syndrome. PIIS.”
“Piss?”
“No, no. In our tongue when there are two i’s in a row, the first is long, the second short. We say, then, Peye-us.”
Oh. I see. You are Peye-us. And who has visited this upon you?”
“An alien.”
“An outsider.”
“Not one of us.”
“His name is Gnome Nervt.”
“How do you know?”
“He has done this before and. . .”
“He leaves traces.”
“I see.” Pause. “I must rid the world of this. . .evil Gnome Nervt.”
“Yes.”
“Well. I suppose I have nothing better to do,” she said. She thought, though, that perhaps she might also discover her true self, her true identity now she had something to do. “You must give me some context.”
“Here is everything you need to know.” The headman held out a large flat envelope he had been holding on his lap. She took it in both hands. Why both hands? He gave it to her with one. “Tomorrow we will come again.”
“And if I am not your hero?”
“You will fail and we will build another martyr’s monument in Memorial Park Cemetery.”
“But you will not fail. The life and well-being of thousands upon thousands of Havenwoodniks are riding on your shoulders.”
And then she was alone with herself. Whoever she was. To these men she was someone. She had a frame into which to fit. There was a quest for her. A quest to occupy her time. It was at least a direction. And action was what she needed. There was just one nagging question: What did a hero do? That is, how did a hero act?
Was fiction becoming reality?
An unanswerable question since she didn’t know what was real. Rather, she only had this reality to go on. Could she then live up to her given character?
She shook her head. Identity was a funny thing. How do you know when you’ve got it? And when you’ve got it, how do you know it’s yours?
There are some places where people are born with no identity. Later, they can buy one from the identity brokers. But, then, you may still ask, who is this character? All you have is a label. Made up by another. A handle upon which to hang a history. A history with no character to identify it is no history at all. So where does it come from?
This is a question I cannot answer. I am only a writer. I am a writer because I write. . .and because you read me. Therefore I have character because writers have a particular character, right? And you read me and say, she must be like so-and-such. Right?
I find myself much in the same situation as the girl in this story.

how priveleged are you?

January 9, 2008

What Privilege Do You Have?
I saw a blog game on a couple of Quaker blogs (this one and this one), so I thought I’d offer a similar game with a spin on class based. It’s based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University that I found on this Yahoo group around class on college campuses. The exercise developers hold the copyright but have given me permission to post it here and ask that if you participate in this blog game, you acknowledge their copyright.

If you post this in your blog, please leave a comment on this post.

Father went to college (3 yrs correspondence school while I was in HS)
Father finished (4 yrs) college
Mother went to college (nursing school graduate, RN)
Mother finished(4 yrs) college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home (Reader’s Digests & my own little
horde–I read all the time)
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively (in the
50’s & 60’s, yes)
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs (loans for 3 yrs)
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them (at age 21)
There was original art in your house when you were a child
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house (military family)
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home (see above)
You had your own room as a child (sometimes yes, sometimes no; after age 13, yes)
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 (father in military, flew
before I was one yr old and again at age 12)
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family (only because this
was kept from us kids; at several points, though, we were on the skids)

In the group exercise, which was originally designed for college students, staff and faculty, everyone stands in a line and steps forward if any of these things are true for them.

falling from the window

January 9, 2008

Falling From the Window
by
James L. Secor
Hennipin Perching was a busy man. So busy, in fact, that sometimes it was difficult to find him. When he was needed, it took many phone calls and inquiries to ferret out his whereabouts, at which time the searcher, marching madly about his room, was in the habit of hearing, in a controlled voice, “I’m busy right now with something. I’ll be available tomorrow morning. Come see me then.” And tomorrow he’d squeeze the caller inbetween other appointments and tell you you should see so-and-so and so you would and whatever problem you had was solved in five minutes. Easy as pie.
Mr. Perching was a firm believer in busyness equals importance. Therefore, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do to improve–or, rather, prove his importance. Not that there weren’t moments of a cessation of importance. There were. But only those who managed a monthly drink with him–usually other important people–knew of this momentary lapse of reason. Though, it must be said, Mr. Perching’s busyness occurred in waves, albeit the troughs still exhibited a sense of compact activity. It was in this wise that Hennipin Perching, Ph.D., maintained his position at the top of the academic political ladder.
Mr. Perching was also quite voluble. He talked a lot. He spoke loudly. He was full of advice and plans, plans that seemed almost grandiose, though this is perhaps not to be wondered at. Nothing ever came of them because he never thought past the idea. Deep thinking takes time and Mr. Perching had no time. It was as if Hennipin Perching were avoiding reality, much as a couch potato does while potatoing–sans beer. Mr. Perching had given up drinking. Except on occasion. He used to be a heavy drinker, he’d say, but he gave it up. Then he would ask you out to drink.
Once, though, one of his ideas happened. Right in his face. Big as life. You see, he’d always wanted to have a play staged on his watch, win some extra kudos. Or so he said. Hyperbole being just a natural part of language to emphasize, usually, an emotion of some sort or other, so it was difficult to tell whether he was truthful or not. As it turns out, he was suddenly faced with the opportunity and he took it in his usual stride, that is, not thinking of the consequences of the next step. Like a blind man stepping off of a cliff, there was no turning back and nowhere else to go.
I once saw a commercial advocating the placement of bumpy tiles in the sidewalk in order to help the blind navigate. They were of a different color, too, from the surrounding concrete. I guess that, too, was to help them navigate. Some workmen, however, didn’t lay them very well, perhaps because they didn’t understand the needs of the blind. After all, they could see when they got to the corner. It was a really nice commercial. It showed a blind man tap-tap-tapping to the end of the bright yellow tiles and then the angle changed to looking straight up the side of a steep rock face, the tapping cane tapping the air above the floor of a deep canyon and all the blind man could do was fall into the abyss.
There was a lesson here but it was unfortunately not for the blind and so Hennipen Perching tapped himself right out into mid-air chasing a dream, an idea. But life is not a Wily Coyote cartoon. From this point on, life for Mr. Perching was more akin to the scrabbling anxiety of a rock climber seeking after the merest handhold. His beating little heart began to sweat.
Very nearly nearing the end, the unexpected culmination of the idea, Hennipen Perching found he was at loggerheads with himself; that is, all of his infinite regressing and obscurantist support and just general end running around had consistently been met and surmounted by the obdurate, pig-headed professional he’d hired. This itinerant artist had actually made him, Hennipen Perching, an accomplished academic and Dean, feel guilty. How dare he! Who did he think he was? At the same time, Mr. Perching’s digestion was intensely aware of the possibility of failure, a frightening possibility, for it would surely affect his credibility. As there was still one last hurdle to be surmounted, Hennipen Perching considered it appropriate to enjoin a meeting with another hurdler in order to appropriately deal with his fear and trembling–which might, Mr. Perching was sure, affect his career as well.

“Let’s get together now and agree to a few things,” said Mr. Perching. “I’m tired of kicking this thing around. It’s time we put this in proper perspective.”
“Okay. Let’s do that,” said Barnard Fowle. “I’m tired of nosing around old bones.”
“Well, then, that’s settled.”
“Now where do we go?” asked Mr. Fowle.
“Perhaps we should think of a place to start,” suggested Mr. Perching.
“Well, now, that’s an earful.”
“It certainly is something we can dig our claws into.”
“How about a regular pronouncement?”
“Oh, no, no. I don’t think so. We don’t want to slight each other.”
“Yes. Perhaps you’re right.”
“We could make it a circular. . .thing. . .and then–”
“No beginning and no end.”
“Yes. That’s it.”
“But where do the conundra fit in?”
“Ah, yes. Fine point.”
They sat and thought a little longer, tilting back and forth in their stuffed mule skin upholstered chairs. Back and forth. Then twisting from side to side. And then back and forth again. On and on.
“Ah-ha! I’ve got it.”
“You’ve got it?”
“Yes. I’ve got it!” repeated Mr. Fowle.
“Pray tell,” said Mr. Perching, leaning forward.
“Well, we can have a semi-circular award, each with a weak link and we could get our dubiety to be signatory.”
“Our dubiety?”
“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Oh. Well. You know him. So. . .”
“It will put the attestor on the spot.”
“But shouldn’t we be more subtle than that?” Mr. Perching demurred.
“Subtlety schmudtlety.”
“It might also cause a muddle in our deciding.”
“How so?”
“Interrogatory improvisation.”
“Yes.”
“Hmm.”
“Why not have a horse-shoe-shaped endeavor, you and me at the ends as presiding adjudicators?”
“Now wait a minute–”
“Horse-shoes are lucky.”
“So they are,” agreed Mr. Fowle, bobbing his head in enthusiasm. “But we may need the luck of the Irish in this case.”
“No-o problem,” said Mr. Perching, waving his hands. “We’ll have three options set up like guess-which-thimble.”
“Who sits as the prosecutionist?”
“No one. There will only be mitigants.”
“I get it! He can’t tell which is which so he’ll never know the difference.”
“Not only that, we’ll keep him wondering what’s going on.”
“Brilliant!”
“Ingenious, yes?”
“Even if I do say so myself.”
Together they were silent for awhile. Then the fidgety Mr. Fowle spoke up. “Whom shall we invite?”
“That depends on what we want to prove,” replied Mr. Perching.
“And we’re trying to prove. . .”
Mr. Perching took a judicious breath, “Just and unjust.”
“Just and unjust what?” and Mr. Fowle leaned forward.
Mr. Perching had to think about this a moment. His brain had to think of a word. And then his tongue uttered it. “Ablagates.”
“I knew that,” responded Mr. Fowler, sitting back puff-chested.
“Of course you did. You were only trying to trick me. You have such a good memory.”
“You’re not such a dunderhead yourself.”
“Thank you very much.”
“You’re quite welcome.”
“To the ablagates!”
“To the ablagates!”
They unanimously raised their hands in the air.
When they had regained their composure, Mr. Fowle chittered, “So. . .what is worthy and what is not?”
“The mentally ill should not be allowed.”
“The mentally ill?!”
“Fail safe. Some artists, you know. . .”
“True. True. They’re only malingerers with no will of their own.”
“And you never know what they’re going to say. But we can’t call them mentally ill. That’s socially irresponsible.”
“Ah. How about non compos mentis?” Mr. Fowle knew how to get his teeth around a good word.
“Too learned.”
“Daft.”
“Barmy.”
“Moonstruck.”
“Corybantic.”
“Distracted.”
“Morally bewildered.”
“Sinfully loose i’the hilts.”
“Bats in the belfry.”
“Not playing with a full deck.”
“March-hares.”
“Dotty.”
“Touched.”
“Cracked.”
“Aliené.”
” Aliené.”
They held out their hands to each other.
“And now. . .those who need to be disestablished,” said Mr. Perching, raising a knowing eyebrow.
“Disestablishmentarians are difficult to deal with.”
“They’re so alienating.”
“So, they can be aliené, also.”
“Masterful conceit.”
“It only follows.”
“Nothing wrong with logic.”
“Not as far as I can see.”
“How can we trust the help?” asked Mr. Perching, clucking his tongue.
“By what they say.”
“What? Words lie, my friend!”
“So. What will be the correct articulation?”
“Something like. . .” and Mr. Perching paused.
“I want to better myself?”
“That’s a good one! He’ll never say it.”
“Arrogant in his self-regression.”-
“How about, we don’t like a burden?”
They paused again. Their chelatinous chassises worked their way front and back. They had well-oiled bearings.
“Sometimes, I feel this isn’t fair,” they intoned together, snorting at their own little joke.
“Call in the help! They can be intimidated.”
“Set the bar high.”
“Drink of this and remember me.”
“Ahhh. . .if the wanting fail. . .”
“They can only know that after the fact.”
“And we hold the cards.”

In the end, it was decided to reward the professional appropriately as it could not be determined he had embarrassed either Perching or Fowle. But Hennipen Perching made a promise to himself that he would never allow himself to do something like this again. There was too much at stake to make succeeding worth the effort. Better to do nothing than end up with egg on your face. . .or the anxiety of waiting for it.

mucong takes ‘em for a ride

January 8, 2008

“Hey! Mucong! You are finally here!”
“Yes. I am always here, you know that.”
“Can you not be on time?”
“Hey! What can I do with a bus like this, I ask you.”
“Well. Come in and sit. I’ll give you your orders.”
“Sitting where the earth doesn’t move is relaxation, I can tell you. Don’t mind if I do.”
Mucong’s boots clicked on the concrete and then clicked down the parqueted hallway to Lianzi’s office. Mucong liked the sound of his boots on the floor and took small steps so he could hear himself longer, like a naughty schoolboy with a squeaky chair enjoying the squeak-squeak as he shifted this way and that. Only, nobody shouted at Mucong to stop what he was doing. The office was similarly floored. The whitewashed walls echoed his footsteps to his great pleasure.
Mucong was smiling when he sat down in the over-stuffed armchair. Already, Lianzi was seated behind his desk, a glass of tea in his hand. Another glass of tea sat on the end table next to the armchair. Mucong sat deeply and took up the glass, raising it and tilting it toward Lianzi. Lianzi did the same.
“Ahh! This is fine sugar you have with your tea, Lianzi.”
“Thank you, Mucong. We do our best to please.”
“This is good of you.”
“As always. What can our favorite bus driver expect, eh?”
“Certainly no more, I think.”
“Of course. We can only go so far at The Divine Miracle Retreat Centre. The dudes, you know.”
“Oh, yes. The dudes. Must keep them high and dry, yes. Tell me, do you still give them sugar cubes?”
“Only the least of the least. Must keep them happy.”
“Oh, yes. Happiness. There’s goodness in it.”
“Drink up then.”
Mucong drank his tea down, Adam’s apple bobbing with each luscious swallow. This was truly the life. Driving a bus and sitting around offices drinking tea. And he got paid for it. Lovely. Lovely.
Lianzi looked up when he finished his paperwork. “Ok. Here it is.” He handed the voucher to Mucong. “You take 20 dudes to Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination. That’s it.”
“So I see here. That’s not too many today.”
“No. Not too many. They are expected but you can take your time. The dudes will enjoy the scenery.”
“Oh, yes. I’m sure. Not much of that here.”
“From the top of the mountain you can see forever.”
“Many of your dudes don’t need mountaintops, Lianzi.”
“How well you know our clientele.”
“How long have I been driving bus, eh?”
“Long enough I’m sure. You’ve got calluses on your ass, from so long sitting.”
“Still does not make the jouncing and bouncing enjoyable, you know.”
“Get some shocks, Mucong.”
“Oh, no, no. That costs money.”
“You must spend some to get some, they say.”
“Whoever they are they are wrong. You spend money, you ain’t got money.”
“I hear you got money in your lumpy mattress.”
“Urban legend, Lianzi. Urban legend. You know how people love to talk. Anything to occupy their minds and their tongues. The more outrageous the story, the more likely it is to be believed, don’t you know.”
“Oh, yes. Lots of outrageous stories up here.”
“I’m sure. You must take me to the bar and tell me some. Some days I need a good laugh.”
“Not all the stories are humorous, Mucong.”
“I don’t want to hear them. I got a life you know.”
“Life, did you say? Don’t you mean wife?”
“When you got two you got the blues for sure.”
“And so for the one on the side, what have you got?”
“You talk urban legend again, Lianzi. All such tales fall to a handsome man like me.”
“Ho! Now you are telling stories! You are so handsome only another monkey could love you.”
“Is this any way to talk amongst friends?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well, then. Fill up my tea.”
“At your service, oh urban legend cowboy.”
Lianzi’s boots did not click as he walked across the parquet floor to get Mucong’s class and then into the backroom to fill both of their glasses. Mucong looked out the window at the tree branches swaying gently in the breeze and the dudes clambering into the bus. Some of them rolled their eyes. Some of them skipped about, flailing their arms. All of them jabbered, though Mucong could only tell this from their opening and closing jaws. No sound passed through the thick glass windows.
Lianzi returned and sat in the chair next to Mucong. Together in silence they drank their sweet tea, each pretending it was something else. A knock at the door disturbed their reveries.
“Lianzi, sir. The bus is loaded.”
“Thank you, Dami.” Dami left, gently closing the door behind her. “Well, it looks as if it’s time to say good-bye.”
“I’ll use your private john first, you know. The roads are not so good and the rest stops far too few.”
“Oh, yes. Of course. You are better this color than a yellow bastard.”
Mucong laughed as he click-clicked into the backroom. When he returned, Lianzi was standing. The friends walked each other to the door and out into the concrete yard.
“Call me when you get there, Mucong.”
“You think I can get lost?”
“No, no. There is no losing you.”
Mucong mounted the rummy rubber stairs into his bus and pulled the lever shutting the doors. “Okay,” he shouted back to his passengers. “We’re off for the ride of your lives.”
As Mucong started the bus, grinding and grinding the starter until the motor turned over, the dudes cheered and bounced on their seats. Squeaking and squealing filled the length of the bus as Mucong backed it up and out of the The Divine Miracle Retreat Centre concrete courtyard. Grinding the gears, sputtering and spluttering the bus took off down the dusty road, Mucong being sure to hit every bump and fill every pothole. This, of course, was not difficult—the road was none too wide. But the dudes enjoyed it, so Mucong obliged them. He was not going fast enough to be dangerous. The bus could not go fast enough anyway. So all was well.
About half way to Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination, Mucong decided he was thirsty and a little hungry. He knew of a nice little place along the road, so he decided to make a pit stop. Slowly, slowly with brakes squealing and complaining, he pulled into The Well, so named because once there had been a well there. People came for water. Now the well was unused, perhaps contaminated from disuse, and the people came for a different kind of water. On the weekends, The Well was a very spirited place. There was also a bathroom out back. Mucong had a second glass of tea to dispose of.
Without thought, Mucong left the bus and ducked into The Well. The darkness inside was a pleasant reprieve from the sun and dry wind outside. The silence, too, was welcome. Mucong’s ears rang from the joyous shouting and nonsensical conversation that banged around in his tin bus.
“Hey, Mucong!”
“Hey, Kuaitou! Set me up, will you, okay boy. I’m out to get rid of some tea.”
When Mucong returned, heels clicking on the flagstone floor, hoisting up his large bullhide belt and clicking his silver longhorn buckle together, Kuaitou had a long, tall cold beer awaiting him.
“Where you going today, my friend?”
“Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination.”
“Oh. Then this is an illegal stop, Mucong.”
“Nothing that should worry you, Kuaitou. It is dark in here, you cannot see well.”
“But my hearing is very good. There is no bus that sounds like yours.”
“Only a pit stop. What can go wrong, eh? Don’t worry. Get me another, I feel a particular need.”
“Ho-ho! Which of the wives is it this time, eh?”
“Hey! I only have one.”
“Legal.”
“Well, that is true. Let’s drink to the other one.”
Kuaitou poured himself a glass, somewhat smaller than Mucong’s. Mucong’s glass was special. There was no other in the house quite as large. Kuaitou shook his head at the size of Mucong’s gulp. Mucong explained it to him this way: as he was only 1/10th good when he was 1/10th drunk, he needed a 9/10th glass so that he could reach his limit sooner and thus enjoy his goodness.
Although Mucong only drank three beers, he talked alot about this and that, about this wife and that one and Kuaitou was a willing listener. There were not many customers dropping by The Well during the day. So, when Mucong went outside, his thirst was quenched, the sun was well past meridian and the bus was empty. All of the dudes had gotten off and disappeared into parts unknown. Whatever was he going to do with all of these crazies running round the place? And what was he to do about his delivery? Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination was expecting a busload of left-outside wackos.
Mucong scratched his head but there was nothing forthcoming, so he climbed back into the bus and started on his journey again. Surely something would come along.
“Luck be a lady tonight,” he muttered. And, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all.” Then Mucong began singing the blues. Cowboy blues.
As he was filling the skies and the sulky ears of the wild dogs with his vocal gymnastics, he came upon a bus stop. The people were standing helter-skelter. They were sweating. Some were sitting. Some were leaning against trees that had no leaves

or the bus stop sign post. Some squatted in the dust. They had been waiting a long time. All of them looked at Mucong’s bus with bleary, hopeful, wanting eyes.
Mucong shrugged. Why not?
He pulled over and opened his door.
“Hey! I’ll give you a free ride to the end of the line. How’s about it?”
A chorus of voices rose out of the sweat soaked dryness in praise of his goodheartedness. Although they all boarded the bus much as the crazy dudes had, their chatter and snippets of songs and praise for Mucong made more sense. Mucong only acknowledged their thanks with a nod of the head. He had to make good time.
Not only because he was so late and Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination was expecting a load but if he didn’t hurry he’d lose his new passengers. Mucong needn’t have worried, though. Not one of his passengers once bothered to check out the scenery or question where he was taking them, so thankful were they for getting a lift, getting out of the hot sun and the wind whipped dust.
So it goes.
When Mucong arrived at Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination, the staff were glad to see him. The sun was all but down, burning the horizon and the windblown sky. Most everyone wanted to go home. The passengers, before they knew what was happening, were whisked away, their belongings stripped from them and packed away into one cell or another, depending on the voucher and the previous communiqué from The Divine Miracle Retreat Centre. The invoice was signed and Mucong was paid and everybody was happy. Especially Mucong.
What a good day’s work it had been! These people had asked to be taken for a ride. They didn’t ask where to. Mucong had obliged them. He had a job to do, a quota to fill. End of story. Mucong was proud of his ingenuity.

Mucong put the pedal to the floor as he raced out of the gates of Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination mental hospital. He’s surely not see himself coming here again. Perhaps he’d go to Mississippi or Alabama, one of those kinds of places. Start up another bus line. Nobody knew the difference.
By the time Twin Oaks Intentional House of Illumination discovered the mistake, some two weeks later, Mucong had vacated the premises.
Now who was to fix up the mess, eh?

breakfast

January 4, 2008

One might wish to ask why it was I was in McDonald’s at all, as it was one of my favorite modern machine icons to bash. But there you have it. I was there, sitting at a booth along the east window side of the building with Glen Rendenen on a mild summer’s morning. We were having his morning coffee–elderly coffee so he could get it cheaper–and Egg McMuffin. I say “his” because I’d eaten several hours earlier at my apartment, tending to arise in the wee hours to get some work done before the exigencies of the day impose themselves. He’d asked for this meeting, this philosophical interlude, the day before when we’d met quite by chance, as we always meet. He had no phone. If he had, he’d not have used it. Possibilities loomed in his mind of people listening to him and stealing his ideas.
I was sipping at my Coke, making it last a long time, and looking around the almost empty establishment. At 9:30 that was not untoward. Indeed, this was not the most actively sought out McDonald’s, except for carry out, as it was on a major east-west thoroughfare making a turn in traffic from the west-bound side not a welcome manoeuvre, especially to the traffic behind. There was the possibility of turning at the light, perhaps 100 yards distant, and going through the other fast food joint’s parking lot directly into McDonald’s and directly into the long drive-thru lane. However, why go to such bother? There was no left turn lane there either. Life was difficult, to be sure.
Glen was an interesting character–interesting to be observed, for he religiously repeated the same mantra each time we met, something about conspiring to write a book of historical philosophy because his writing was not so smooth and graceful as mine–though once it was, he assured me, before he’d been relieved of his post as professor–or so he said, not having read anything I’d written. He’d just heard to me talk and I sounded good. I guess this is the unfortunate side-effect of voice training.
He did not talk while he ate, waiting til after when he could wash his mouth out with the coffee, which by then had cooled to drinkableness. As he was demolishing his McMuffin with huge, dinosaur bites, I was looking around. A woman came in. An old woman. Kind of bow-shouldered from age, I suspected. She shuffled to the counter in her faded house dress, the kind every good woman wore in the 1940’s . She licked her lips. She squinted her eyes, looking from one side of the plastic back lit menu board to the other. Shook her head. Said something to the cashier. Tendered her money out of the pocket of her dress. Crumpled dollar bills gently laid on the counter.
She looked closely at her tray. She looked closely at her change before putting it in her dress pocket. And then she carried, very carefully, as if her burden were a priceless artifact, her tray to one of those double two-person tables where she set it down, moving it to the centre of the little table top. Then she sat in the adjoining table top’s seat. Her movements, slow and decided, were graceful, a cultured Japanese lady’s softness and surety. When she sat, she slid smoothly onto the plastic seat, carefully adjusting her dress so it did not get caught up and wrinkled and then smoothed down her bodice and faded grey button-up sweater that kind of hung loose at the hem from years of service.
“What’re you watching her for? She’s in here all the time,” interrupted Glen after noisily sipping at his coffee.
“Watch her,” I suggested, pointing my chin in her direction.
“Why? She’s only another street person. Worthless old lady.”
“You see her on the street?”
“In my perambulations, yes.”
I turned back to the old woman. She carefully removed her coffee from the tray and set it on the little table top in front of her. She then did the same with the muffin, advertised as an English McMuffin, in it’s little paper wrapper. The napkin came next. Then, she straightened herself up and began straightening the table, setting everything in its apparent proper place. The cup at one o’clock; the muffin at six; the napkin at 4:30. She looked it over. She reached up and had to bend forward to get to the coffee cup, so she moved it closer. She adjusted her seating. All was apparently ready, so she carefully unwrapped the muffin, spreading the paper out on the table top, smoothing out its creases with the care one would employ with a silk scarf. She moved the coffee cup to the upper right hand corner of the muffin wrapper, moving the napkin to the paper’s edge.
“Look how carefully she arranges things,” I remarked, not looking at Glen.
“Aged economics. Too much movement is exhausting.”
“Yes. But she’s sitting down to a banquet.”
“You call that a banquet?! My, how you’ve fallen, Minna old girl.” Glen sniggered and slurped at his coffee.
He watched me.
I watched the old woman daintily pick up her muffin, carry it to her lips and bite into it. Not a large bite, as is the wont of the modern man, but almost a nibble. She put it back down on its paper, picked up her napkin and dabbed at her lips. She took a sip of coffee, soundlessly, perhaps for fear of disturbing the time. Not once did her body move extraneously. Her back remained still, though not straight, as perhaps it was in her youth.
“If you’re that interested, why don’t you go talk to her,” suggested Glen. “You can tell me what she says later. Maybe we can use it in our book–which I’ve been thinking about, you know. We must get down to organizing it. But I just can’t seem to get past the introduction. There’s so much to be redacted, you know, that I sometimes get lost. My paradise is lost,” and he chuckled.
I slid out of the plastic seating and approached the old woman.
“I was noticing you. . .”
“Ah,” she said, looking up.
“Yes. Could I sit and chat?”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to watch me eat. . .”
“I’m sorry. Perhaps–”
“Well, I cannot offer you any, you see, and so I’d be embarrassed.” She bowed her head a little.
“I have my Coke. I can drink.”
She looked over to my table. “That’ll be quite alright,then. Do please join me.” When I had fetched my Coke and taken the seat opposite her, she continued, “You’ll excuse my rudeness, won’t you, young lady? It has been so long since I’ve had company.”
“You’re being rude?”
“Why, yes. I’m not offering you any of my repast.”
“I’m not hungry. Just thirsty.”
“And you have your Coke.”
“Yes.”
And then silence. In the midst of the silence, in the space after her bite and chewing, she smiled demurely.
“It’s not polite to stare.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I looked down.
“Ah. Your mother raised you well, I see. Well!” She leaned back a little. “What is it that’s so interesting about me, eh?” She leaned forward, telling me a tantalizing secret, “I’ve been seeing you. Out of the corner of my eye.”
“Oh.”
“Nothing to be upset about, my girl,” and she leaned in to pat my hand. “The world would be so empty without our eyes, don’t you think?”
“Yes. I think so. Though my ears are perhaps more important to me.”
“Ah. Are they?”
She ate. I took a drink of my Coke.
Silence.
“You don’t belong here,” I ventured.
“Why not? I must eat, you know.”
“Yes. But why here?”
“Well. . .where else would you have me go? Necessity, you know.”
“Surely–”
“Now, now, young lady. Don’t jump to conclusions. I’m not going to tell you the story of my life to explain something as everyday as eating out.”
“This is McDonald’s!”
“Why, yes it is. What are you doing here, then?”
I laughed.
She ate.
“You are very thin, if I may be so bold.”
“Well, the times have changed. When I was younger, we’d not have been so obviously judgmental. There are better ways. But. . .you’re young.”
“What should I have said?”
“It’s of no matter.”
She ate. She drank. She dabbed at her lips.
“I wasn’t always like this, you know.”
“I cannot at all imagine you matronly.”
“Now, that was a good way of speaking!” She smiled, a close-lipped smile, as if she were hiding something. In China and Japan, women used to hide their mouths with her hands when they laughed. It was inappropriate not only to show their teeth but to be seen with their mouths wide open. “Let me tell you what brought me here.”
I waited. She ate. I drank. She folded up the muffin wrapper, careful to contain the crumbs. She folded it up into a little square of paper and laid it fondly on the tray. She moved the coffee cup closer to her. Did the same with the napkin. She looked up at the cashier and nodded slightly, ever so slightly, and the girl came out from behind the counter and carried the tray with its paper away. The old lady waited til the girl had gone before speaking.
“At each edge of awareness everything resolves into infinitely interconnected packets of energy. Somewhere between quarks and quasars, awareness disengages from the universal life field and makes the unsupportable conclusion the we are apart from and superior to the All Flow. We go to amazing lengths to dam it and store it and sell it to our neighbors. This is all vanity and vexation to the soul. The soul is the part of awareness that is still engaged in the Flow and after our sixty or eighty years in struggle against the Flow of the vast cosmic truth, we can release our claim on one little corner of the third dimension and join, if you will, the part of awareness that sees and approves of the unbreakable connection between the self and all there is. There is an opposing view stating that at the moment of death we sink below an event horizon never to be seen nor heard from again. All traces are erased. Every echo silenced. What we are and what we have touched becomes ash and the ash disappears, leaving empty nothingness where the illusion of splendor had us all convinced something was actually out there. The closer you come to nothingness the closer you come to the ultimate reality. Aha! Nothingness! See how beautiful the world would be without the world in the way! The utility of the empty vessel. I don’t know how many times I said this. Repeated it. To myself. To others. Anyone who would listen–smiling or not. And so you see.”
I hesitated. “See what?”
“Me.”
Silence.
“Do you understand what I said?”
“No. Not a word.”
“But it sounds good, right?” I nodded. “So much for rhetoric. Socrates would have laughed himself silly, I’m sure. Plato might have written another Symposium if this kind of verbiage had been the order of the day then. But it wasn’t. It’s a late addition, I feel, to. . . to despair, I think is the emotion. Despair over the world.”
I drank down the rest of my Coke.
“Intellectual hogwash!” she slapped her hand down on the table. “It’s necessity, my girl. Necessity. That’s why I’m here now.”
“Out of necessity.”
“Yes. There’s no kitchen in my home.”
“I could cook for you. . .”
“And bring it to my rooms? My young girl, I detest cold food–unless it be vichyssoise.” She leaned over and patted my hand again. “No, no. Necessity makes us live. Necessity is the key, not some mealy mouthed conglomeration of half-digested, half-understood philosophy picked up in pieces and glued together because the words sound esoteric. If you’re going to imitate, at least be true to the original or you debase it. But. . .there’s no knowledge in imitation.”
I was baffled. I was silent. She smiled and exquisitely rose to her feet.
“If you’re going to talk about life, you’d better have lived it, my girl. Necessity is the key. Necessity is when you come to the point of asking, what else is there to do?” She pulled herself up and then slowly sank back down to the slope-shoulders of age. “I waited in my empty nothingness. I waited until it was all gone. And so I come here. Long sine, I lost the energy or the will to do. I my emptiness, there is only McDonald’s”
I watched her walk to the door. I watched her open it. She stopped in the middle of the day’s heat and the store’s air conditioning.
“If there’s empty nothingness there must be full nothingness, right? Who wants an empty cart floating downstream?”
Slowly, careful of her steps in her sensible shoes, she strode down the drive and disappeared up the street.
I went back to Glen and stood at the table’s edge.
“What did she say?” he asked, an impish grin on his face.
“Existentialism is crap.”
“I could have told you that.”

I drove Glen home, to his little house. I watched him walk carefully up the concrete sidewalk and then back down again and back to the front stoop, careful that the appropriate number of steps had been taken. I watched as he mounted the stoop, opened the screen door and unlocked the peeling paint door. . .and I watched him shut it and repeat the unlocking and opening. Then he went in, letting the screen door slam shut. I heard him shut the door, twice, and turn the locks, twice. The lights did not go on. They never did. Yet his windows were blinded and curtained.

hellecchino becomes a hero

January 3, 2008

The narrow corridor echoed the short shuffling gait of the stick-like figure, bent over at the shoulders against the weight of the ceiling, though it was two metres at least above his head. His scarecrowness proceeded steadily onward, slightly darker than the hall’s walls and not much swifter. The dimness never varied except that the far end was a black rectangle that painstakingly dilated, sprouting a door. The distance did not daunt the black clad spectre. He had all the time in the world, though the world that called upon him, that put him into motion, was always in a hurry. Everything there was a crisis. Through this door at the end of the tunnel were other, like corridors, each a little darker than this one, each a little danker and cooler, though never so cold as to fog the breath–if indeed this man breathed at all. Each new corridor deadened the sound of the ancient’s passing, as if trying to erase his existence. Finally, he stopped. He knocked on the door out of habit, for there was no need–on the other side of the door the room’s occupant was in no position to answer the summons.
He walked to the prone form and laid a bony, translucent hand on the black shadow on its stone bed.
“Mr. Hellecchino, sir. You are wanted.” A thin, breathless voice barely above a whisper, a light breeze through fallen leaves afraid to let their presence be known.
A slow grating noise built up until it became recognizable sound, like the scraping of stone monolith on stone monolith in an ancient decrepit space, presaging the awakening of some timeless, mummy-curse.
The old man waited patiently. There was no reason or way to quicken an awakening.
“I don’t wish it,” abraded a voice.
“There’s nothing for it, sir.”
“Why is my peace being disturbed?” the voice growled, sounding almost human.
“A summons has come, sir. They are in need of a hero up there.”
“I am done with heroics. Let me be.”
“I am sorry, sir, but–”
Hellecchino sprung to a sitting position, eyes flashing in his hollow, sallow face, a massive block of stone released by some hidden mechanism from being held down.
“I don’t want to be a hero! I am nobody’s hero!”
“Apparently you are, sir. You’ve been summoned.”
“Who is it has called me up from my sleep?”
“Stan Lee.”
“Ah. That is different. Who has he sent to carry me back?”
“A Chinese, sir. Shi KeJian.”
“History repeats itself. He’s been here before.”
“Yes, sir. I believe he has.”
“Does he never learn?”
“You have not yet disappointed him, sir.”
“What a pity,” Hellecchino breathed heavily. His first breath in a long time. Then he pivoted on his heavy ass and put his legs over the edge of his stone bed. The joints creaked and groaned. He waited awhile, then held out his hand for the Summoner. “It’s been a long time since my feet have touched the earth. Be careful, Edgar.”
“I am ever, Mr. Hellecchino.”
There was no show of strain from Edgar as Hellecchino leaned on him and clunked to the floor. Heavy-limbed as he was, Hellecchino stood still, hand on the old man’s shoulder, until he felt safe and balanced.
“Lead on, Macduff.”

The sloping path was not steep but neither Hellecchino nor Shi Kejian could see its end up ahead. Their beginning place was shrouded in gloom. To one side was a precipice of great silence that disappeared into the blackness. To the other side was a rock-infested clay wall. Shi Kejian kept his right hand trailing across its surface. The pathway itself was smoothed stone carved out of the wall. Their footsteps did not resound.
“Wish I’d eaten more carrots like my mother said I should.”
“If you’d stay for awhile, you wouldn’t have a problem.”
Their voices did not carry very far.
“You’re hand’s going to be filthy by the time we get up top. You oughtn’t do that.”
“I can’t see where I’m going, Hellecchino! What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Trust in me.”
“Yeah. Right.”
“How many times you come down here?”
“I haven’t bothered to count. It’s not a journey I enjoy too terribly much.”
“Y’oughta know your way by now.”
They were silent awhile.
The grade grew steeper.
“Y’know. . .it ain’t easy being brought back.”
“It isn’t easy coming to fetch you, either.”
“Then why do you do it?”
“It’s my job.”
“Got a day job?”
“Hell yes!”
Hellecchino chuckled. “So how come you do this?”
“Penance.” As Hellecchino did not reply, Shi Kejian continued, “It’s my burden to bear.”
“Ah. Cheated death?”
“Not exactly. But I heard a voice.”
“From out of your past? One of your previous lives?”
“No previous lives, Hellecchino. Just this one.”
“And the one before.” Shi Kejian stopped at the definitive contrariness in Hellecchino’s voice. “Don’t turn around! You know the rules. You want to spend the rest of your life down here?”
“I wouldn’t have a life if I did.” Shi Kejian took a deep breath. “Well. . .I’ve looked down this tunnel before. There was a voice at the end.”
“When you were on a mission, yes?”
“When I cheated death, as you say.”
“What do you call it?”
“They call it near-death up top.”
“What do you call it?”
Shi Kejian did not answer. He took a deep breath of the dank, fetid air–and held it. Then he started moving again, his feet dragging as if his shoes were filled with the weight of the world.
“I called it a moment of peace. A moment of bliss,” he said after awhile.
“That’s why you keep coming back? To retaste the burdenless realm?”
“I’m cursed like Sisyphus.”
“To say so, you must still be human,” Hellecchino said with a caustic edge to his voice.
“Ironic, isn’t it?”
“Be sure to let me know when you make your last journey.”
“Christ.”
“He’s down here, too. Hey! The Pillar of Ildeth. We’re half way home. As it were.” Hellecchino drew his first breath as he passed the salt stalagmite. “Where am I bound?”
“Tonk Crossing.”
“Population of 3000 white folk. More or less. And about as many slaves.”
“That was quite awhile ago, Hellecchino.”
“Has anything changed?”
“Ah! Here are the stairs,” swore Shi Kejian as he tripped up the first few steps.
“Has anything changed!” bellowed Hellecchino.
“I heard you the first time.”
“Well?”
“Not appreciably, no.”
“Nobody listens to you, do they, Mr. Mirror of History?”
“No. Memory’s too short.”
“Yours or theirs?”
“Stupid question.”
And with that, the travelers remained silent for the rest of the climb to the upper world. Shi Kejian was anxious for the top of the staircase. Hellecchino’s steps became more labored.

Hellecchino sauntered along the old Chisholm Trail heading for Tonk Crossing. As his appearance was timed appropriately, he knew it wouldn’t be long before the Brownwood Stage would be passing by and he could hitch a ride. Charlie Chaplin-like– jumping onto the boot. And then jumping off just before the settlement just beyond the crossing. Then he could walk into town, materializing out of the stage dust wake as if magically. The ways of a hero are multifarious. To say the least. Who was Hellecchino to deviate from the heroic mode? Appearing out of nowhere was so astoundingly expected and such good theatre. Why spoil a time-honored spectacle?
So it was that Hellecchino breathed in the dry dust of the East Central Texas plains, the Bravos River Basin anti-flood plain effluvium, and appeared in Chokepointe Piste as a mirage. And what a mirage he was with his slouch hat, creased and sweat-stained and billowing dust, drooping over his left eyebrow, below which there was an unshaven face. Hellecchino could not grow your manly, dark beard. He had a light northern Italian beard that took three weeks to become noticeable. The stubble, though, gleamed and glimmered like shards of frost in the dust, making him look somewhat, perhaps less than desirable in certain company. He did have a nice cambric shirt with piping at the seams, three-button cuffs and a loosely drooping bandana of purple, which was, of course, dust- and sweat-stained. His Levi’s were creased and bleached and ragged-like at their distal ends where they curved over well-worn brown boots, one of which had the toe top leather rising up and away from its sole revealing a holey red sock, pinkly spick-and-span toe winking out at the world.
“What a nice town you have here,” Hellecchino said to the first men who gathered around him, the stage incumbents having been judiciously forgotten for the more mysterious traveler in the dust.
“We like it,” said a suspendered man, looking Hellecchino up and down and curling his lip, twitching his nose.
“That’s good. That’s good,” commented Hellecchino. “Better to like where you’re livin’ than not.”
“I don’t like it so much,” said another man.
“Shaddup, McTortle,” said a third.
“Why don’tcha leave?” asked Hellecchino, raising an eyebrow.
“All he is is talk,” said Mr. Suspenders, waving a well-manicured hand in McTortle’s direction.
“And who might you be?”
“Mayor.”
“Got a name?”
“The.”
“I see. Well, The–”
“You can call me Mr. Mayor.”
“Ain’t that quaint!” ejaculated Hellecchino, drawing himself up to his full height.
“Don’t git smart, stranger. We don’t like smart asses ’round these parts.”
“Ahh. I see. Well, then.”
“What’s your business in town?” asked the second man, a sandy-haired, freckled cowboy who had obviously not seen the prairie much in the last few years.
“I was summoned.”
“Was ya, now. . .”
“Yes. Y’all wanted a hero and here I am.”
The three men laughed. The stage hands laughed. The remounting passengers laughed. This was the greatest joke since Santa Anna for these people. Humor out on the East Coahuila flatlands was greatly appreciated, everything else being so dry and prosy. This was, after all, Jim Hatfield’s Blacklands. Chokepointe Piste wasn’t so far from old Fort Fisher, home of the Texas Rangers. Hellecchino wanted to meet Jim Hatfield. He’d read a lot about him. Hellecchino knew, too, that later in history there was another bunch of rangers who weren’t such winners. Shi Kejian had told him. Shi Kejian of the historical encyclopedic knowledge. Damn him. Always confusing the picture. Why the hell couldn’t he leave well-enough alone? That is, ignorance.
So, Hellecchino said, “Is Jim Hatfield around?”
“Shit!” spat the third man, a short stumpy little man with crinkles around his brown eyes. “He ain’t but a pigment of your imagination.”
“Just shaddup, will ya, McTortle? If ever there was a killjoy, it’s you.”
“What joy’m I killin’, Mayor?”
“Don’t you mind McTortle. Jim’s out around Plum Creek checkin’ on some critters.”
“You mean armadillos?” asked Hellecchino, wide-eyed like.
The Mayor guffawed. “No. I mean real varmints.”
“I see,” nodded Hellecchino. “So, critter ain’t real armadillos but varmints is. Right?”
“Where the hell you say you’s from?” asked Sandy the Cowboy.
“‘Bout that far away.”
“Fuckin’ Easterner!” And Sandy spat.
The Mayor and Sandy the Cowboy turned on their respective high heels and walked back to the stage office. The stage took off, leaving Hellecchino and McTortle in a cloud of dust.
“Welcome to Chokepointe Piste,” said McTortle.
“Don’t mind if I do,” said Hellecchino.
“Half an hour and you’ll be a known quantity. Sheriff’ll be round to smell you out.”
“He’s a dog?”

Later, Hellecchino found himself standing at the bar of the Lone Star Inn & Bordello nursing a mug of pretty sad beer. Being at the inside end of the bar, Hellecchino had a good view of the batwings and, through the looking glass, the rest of the inn, raised stage included, though lord knows what kind of hackwork trod the boards. Averill’s Troupe wasn’t due into town for another week for a performance of the melodrama vaudeville “Bushbirds” about a good boy gone bad. So said the sign on the wall by the window–and the poster outside the batwings, to the right, near the window, as if it were twin to the in-inn announcement. Mark Twain was supposed to have commented, after seeing the show in Carson City, that anyone attempting to discover a plot, a narrative or a moral should be shot.
Hellecchino figured if he wanted accurate information, he could do no worse than the Lone Star Inn & Bordello. It was still early, so not many people–not many men–were in the Lone Star Inn & Bordello. Saloons and liquofers were sexist in orientation, which is perhaps why the liquor was strong, the talk big and the performances anemic. Saucy wenches and men of derring-do, good or evil, fit the bill, enspirited men being somewhat shy of discrimination. After all, they were after relaxing, not compound-complex contortion of intellectual dexterity.
There was a crinkly-bearded, leather-skinned old man–at least, he looked old–sitting at a table at what would be considered down-front when the show started. A young gimp stood, albeit a little cockeyed, about midway down the bar putting away shots of rotgut like they were liquid sugar. He smacked his lips after each toss-back. Hellecchino smiled wryly to himself. If you can’t make it in society, you gotta make do with society’s loose end. Personal welfare is what life was all about and sometimes personal welfare–sanity– required alternative states of consciousness.
Hellecchino saluted the cripple and choked down a swallow of Middle Bosque River beer that had lost its frigid edge about 200 metres from the edge of the river, about 2800 metres before reaching the saloon. But Hellecchino didn’t have much choice. Lone Star Inn & Bordello was the only imbibification platform in town to four churches, the most populous and prestigious being the Cary Nation Fourth Southern Baptist Altar of the Lord Come to Gitcha Church just down the street, on the city side of the Brownwood Stage office. The Lone Star Inn & Bordello being just a hair outside the 1826 city limits–which was just fine with the Bible thumpers who, nonetheless, drank their fill of wine Sunday mornings, though of course it was for a good cause–was exempt from the city’s dry ordinance.
And so, here was Hellecchino, waiting to establish his calling. Waiting to garner the interest on his investment, however unwanted. An ordination he didn’t particular want, mind you, but Hellecchino was not the man to shirk his duty. You can’t be a hero without a task, though, and Shi Kejian hadn’t told him, Hellecchino, just what that task involved, so, for all intents and purposes, Hellecchino was a hero waiting to happen. A character waiting for a story. Where were Pirandello and Ellen Datlow when you needed them? Hellecchino sighed, looked down at his warm flat beer and. . .it was just about this time, as he was wishing things would hurry up and happen, that the crip hobbled over to Hellecchino, pushing his pirated Jack Daniels along the bar before him. When he drew nigh of Hellecchino, he stopped and stared up into Hellecchino’s face. He didn’t speak. Not at first.
“Yer somebody special,” said the slightly tilted fellow. “Ya remind me of Coyote.”
“How entrancing,” remarked Hellecchino over the little man’s head.
“Ya don’t know Coyote, do ya?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
The invalid took a shot of unprotected whiskey. “Ya don’t say?”
“No,” protested Hellecchino in his most arrogant voice, “I most certainly do. He’s a trickster god of the Indians. Akin to Shakespeare’s fools, Foucault’s madmen and the Chinese monk Ji Gong. He has a doctrine of discovery and a thousand ways to trick Badger out of his wife.”
“Well, I’ll be damned!” And the little man slapped his higher knee. “Yer an intellectial.” He poured himself another shot. “Welcome to Chokepointe Piste. Who’s Shakespeare?”
“Is that stuff better than this beer?”
“Oh. . .I don’t know. But after a couple shots, ya won’t care.”
“Barkeep!” Hellecchino raised his hand. “Another shot glass, if you please.” The bartender delivered, Hellecchino poured himself some of the lamester’s whiskey and raised his glass. “Thank you.”
They both killed the rotgut. The freak poured another for both of them.
“I toast you again,” and the halt held up his glass.
Hellecchino drank but he did not.
“You didn’t drink,” said Hellecchino.
“How observant you are! It is customary in these parts to drink three toasts. I join you on the fourth.”
“You drank of the first.”
“Anxiety. To you.” He poured a third for Hellecchino, who dutifully drank it down. It wouldn’t do to thwart local custom just yet. “And now. . .to us.” And together they slugged the obligatory fourth welcome to Chokepoine Piste–or Rut depending on which side of the river you came from–drink. Hellecchino was just warming to this custom when it came to a halt.
“I wish there was something to sit on,” remarked the deformed little man, looking round behind himself.
“Barstools haven’t been invented yet.”
“The hell! Toilet’s out back. Just squat over the ravine and let fly. Everyone does it.”
“No, no. No thank you. Would you like to sit at a table?”
“How ’bout that one there? Smack dab in the middle.”
“Oh. No, no, no. That one there,” said Hellecchino, pointing to the far corner. “We can see everything from there.”
“Hmmm. . .backs to the wall. Nowhere to go. We could get shot like Wild Bill Hickock.”
“We ain’t playin’ poker.”
“Well, bless my soul if you ain’t thought of everything.”
“Call it second sight,” said Hellecchino, grabbing the half empty bottle and moving off in the agreed-upon direction.
When they’d seated themselves comfortably in the cane-back chairs facing the batwings, the infirm leaned in.
“You play poker?” he asked.
“No.”
“Blackjack?”
“No.”
“Go fish?”
“Yes. I do that.”
“Good. I got a marked deck here. Let’s play.”
“Marked deck?”
“Sure. Only way a spaz can win.”
“I have second sight.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. I’m a hero.”
“You don’t say. . .”
“As a matter of fact, I do say.”
“Ain’t that nice.” The twisted man began dealing out the cards, whispering to himself 1-2-3, etc. “Need a sidekick?”
“Wouldn’t hurt.”
“Name’s Buck.”
“Hi, Buck. I’m Hellecchino.”
“Yer shittin’ me! Got any threes?”
“No, I’m not. Go fish.”
“Yer lyin’! That card right there’s a three.”
“My goodness! You’re right. I overlooked it, it seems.”
“Bullshit.”
Hellecchino smiled. He finally had a friend. Although this fact might seem trite and not worth mentioning, the contrary is true. For, in this world, it was who you knew that was important. Connections. Networking. Making the right acquaintance, smiling to the right people. Get you everywhere. Regardless of how fake and forced the glinting white teeth. No need to bother with demur.
But Hellecchino also knew how to upset the balance. Like a good hero. For most times it wasn’t the hero who needed to do anything.
But before he could do that, he needed to establish his legitimacy. However illegitimately. This is the part he hated the most. But what do sentiments, what do feelings have to do with anything when you’ve got a job to do?
Answer: nothing. Nothing at all. Get over it. Chokepointe Piste was no different than anywhere else, after all. Even though it thought it was better than anywhere else. Like just about anywhere else.
This was especially true of the land baron to the south-southwest, one Gyorgy Yabu. Yabu had lots of land and lots of money and lots of cattle, many head not actually his. But that was of no consequence. Gyorgy Yabu had lots of friends, some in high places, some not but all appropriately placed. And Gyorgy Yabu was into business. He owned the sole transportation company outside of the newly created city of Waco. That was okay, though. Traders coming into the county from Waco or elsewhere had to buy options from Development Industries Yabu, including using the company inns and checkpoint transfer stations. DIY owned controlling interest in the Brownwood Stage, the telegraph office, the newspaper (The Yabu Yeoman) and the Lone Star Inn & Bordello. He didn’t bother to sit on the Chamber of Commerce. He didn’t have to. DIY was a by-ward in Chokepointe Piste.
Hellecchino had a sneaking suspicion Gyorgy Yabu’s behavior was the reason he’d been called up. For one man to own so much was hubris and hubris was a sure sign of tragedy. I.e., trouble.
“You got any aces?”
“No. Go fish.”
“Hello!?” said Hellecchino. “That’s an ace right there,” he flicked the top of a card in the afflicted’s hand.
“No it ain’t.”
“Yes it is.”
“How do you know?”
“You’re holding marked cards.”
“Well, I’ll be damned!”
“Pretty fast learner, eh?”
“I’ll say. Gyorgy Yabu’s gonna have his hands full with you.”
“Gyorgy Yabu. Not a name that rolls off the tongue.”
“Does ’round here.”
“Do tell.”
“Better to show ya ’round.”
“I was kinda hoping to see the show.”
“Ain’t no show tonight.”
“So what’s he waitin’ to see?”
“He ain’t waitin’. He’s seein’ right now.”
“Must be exciting, judging from his reaction.”
“Timothy O’Keryak. He’s learned how to sublimate.”
“What a terrible skill. I didn’t know it existed before television.”
“Television?” asked Buck as he pushed past the batwings.
“It’s a kind of in-house entertainment system. Schizophrenia at your fingertips.”
“Will I live to see it?”
“Most prob’ly. Society needs its blank cartridges to feel good about itself.”
“What the hell’re yew talkin’ about?”
“Don’t you think we oughta pay?”
“No need. Yabu Welfare. He gits a tax break. Y’see that sign yonder?”
“Brownwood Stage.”
“Read the small print.”
“DIY Depot. Wow! A handyman’s store.”
“Nope. DIY in this part of the world means Development Industries Yabu. Gyorgy Yabu owns it.”
“Oh, looky here. Here comes the sheriff,” said Hellecchino gaily, pointing dead ahead.
Hellecchino watched the sheriff as he approached them and they approached him down the middle of the street. He was a short man with a short, quick, bowlegged stride that said, more or less, and rather mincingly, “I ain’t afraid o’ nothin’ and you ain’t important ‘nough.” Polished silver-spangled double holsters with ivory-handled colts rode low on his hips, strapped to his brushed cotton denims neatly tucked inside his snakeskin high-heeled boots with dreadlock rat tail tassels. Blond. The boots were, of course, narrow and perhaps affected his gait. Their narrowness also allowed his easy manoeuvring through the horse droppings that dotted the street like brown mushrooms. The sheriff’s well-manicured hands protruded whitely from his immaculate scalloped double-breast-pocketed off-white shirt. Pearl buttons. Polished and shining big star pinned to the left pocket. Epaulettes. He had rings on his fingers. A black 10-gallon hat bent and tilted at the appropriately rough and facetious angle shaded Ben Franklin spectacles. Bifocals. So his eyes constantly shifted up and down.
“Has he got a bone in his nose?” inquired Hellecchino, narrowing his eyes.
“‘S how it got so high.”
“Oh. I thought that was a line of wispy wind-driven clouds up there in the blue, blue sky.”
“Nope.”
Buck stumbled to a stop to one side and behind Hellecchino. The sheriff stopped directly in front of Hellecchino, about 3.1 metres back. His circle of personal space was quite large and he was quick on the trigger.
“New in town, aren’tcha?”
“Yep.”
“I guessed so. I’m Sheriff in these here parts.”
“Yep.”
“Name’s Medusi Minkowski IV. You got a name?”
“Yep.”
The ensuing silence on Main Street grew until the shopkeepers stood in their doorways fearing the worst of it yet again and nothing they could do about it. The townies out and about stood stock still, afraid to move lest they be mistaken for someone who cared. This was a cowed town.
Medusi Minkowski IV, Sheriff of Chokepointe Piste, shifted position, his hands raising themselves out away from and over his holsters as if buoyed up by air.
“I ain’t usedta askin’ twicet.”
“Yep.”
In the blink of an eye, faster than greased lightning, like a scared jackrabbit two bright and shiny nickel-plated Colt .44’s sprung up into Hellecchino’s face, each gripped by a pink-with-emotion hand.
“What th’ hell’s yore name?”
“Since you ask. Hellecchino.”
“What kind names’ that?”
“Mine. What kind of names’ Medusi Minkowski IV?”
“What?!”
“What kind of names’ Medusi Minkowski IV?”
“Why, you danged smart ass varmint!” And Medusi Minkowski IV’s guns flared to life.
But not before Hellecchino waved his hand in front of him. Such a simple gesture with such amazing and difficult to explain consequences: the Colts blazed but there was no sound and all the bullets fell onto the sheriff’s snakeskin boot toes. Medusi Minkowski IV jumped up and down, his guns silently blazing away in all directions, though mostly toward the sky. Eventually the guns emitted only trails of smoke, proving once again that behind every forest fire there’s a smoking gun. Medusi Minkowski IV holstered his guns, cleaned his glasses and looked disbelievingly at Hellecchino.
“What th’ hell’s goin’ on here?”
“Prestidigitation.”
“You can’t talk to me that way!” And Medusi Minkowski IV twirled around on his left high heel and retreated to from whence he came.
“Don’t forget to load your guns, sheriff!” shouted Hellecchino after the retreating lawman.
“I don’t think you oughtn’ta done that,” squeaked Buck.
“Why not?”
“‘Cause the sheriff’s Yabu’s man and he’ll tell on you.”
“Smoking out the enemy, Buck. No better way to discover him than by insulting his ego.”
“Insultin’ his ego?”
“Yep. Disrespecting his authority.”
“Oh, my. That’s worse’n I thought. We better do something.”
“You were showing me the town.”
“You think we oughta continue?”
“Yep.”
“They’s spies out here. Lookin’ just like ever’body else walkin’ along the boardwalk.”
“Yep.”
“Damn if you ain’t crazy.”
Hellecchino laid his hand on the hamstrung little man. “Let me tell you a story, Buck, while we’re moseying on down the road.”
“Well. . .I guess it might take my mind off’n what’s comin’ up.”
“Long ago and far away, this did not happen. Weasel and Fox were walking along. In their way stood a rock. This was no ordinary rock. It only looked inert but it was special. It had a name. Katrinka. It had spidery lines of green moss all over it. The kind that tell a story. But we’ve not got time for that story here. Katrinka had power.
Weasel stopped before the rock, admiring it. ‘Wow! Cool rock, eh? It’s got power, I bet. Wonder what it’s doing here. . .’ So, Weasel took off his blanket he was wearing and put it over the rock. ‘Here, Katrinka, take this as a present. Take my blanket, friend rock, to keep you from freezing. You must feel cold upon occasion and the weather’s a-changing.’
‘What a giveaway!’ said Fox impressively. ‘You sure are in a good mood today.’
‘Aw, shucks. That’s nothing. I’m always giving things away, you know. Katrinka looks real nice in my blanket, don’t you think?’
‘Sure does. But. . .it’s his blanket now.’
‘Yes. I guess you’re right.’
So, Weasel and Fox went on their way and pretty soon it began to get cold. And it started to rain. The rain turned to hail. The hail turned to slush. Weasel and Fox ran for cover in a cave, which was wet and cold, as you might expect, what with the wind blowing and all. Fox was alright. His fur coat was intact and he could wrap his tail around his curled up body. But Weasel was suffering. He’d given his blanket away, so he sat on the damp floor shivering in his shirt sleeves. Pretty soon, Weasel’s teeth were chattering. He was freezing.
‘Aiya, friend,’ said Weasel, ‘go back and get me my fine blanket. I need it. That rock has no use for it. He’s been getting along without a blanket for ages. Hurry! I’m freezing!’
Fox went and was soon confronting the rock. ‘Say, can we have that blanket back?’
‘No,’ said Katrinka rock. ‘I like it. Looks good on me, don’t you think? Anyway, what’s given is given.’
Fox scratched his head and returned to the cave where Weasel was exhibiting blue lips. ‘He won’t give it back,’ Fox said.
‘That no-good, ungrateful rock!’ shouted Weasel, teeth clicking at every syllable. ‘Has he paid for the blanket? Has he worked for it? I’ll go get it myself.’
‘Friend,’ said Fox, ‘Katrinka, Breccia the Rock–he’s got a lot of power. Maybe you should let him keep it.’
‘Are you crazy? That is an expensive blanket of many colors and great thickness. I’m freezing. I need it. I’ll go talk him out of it.’ And off Weasel went.
When he got to Katrinka the Rock, he said, “Hey, rock! What’s the meaning of this? What do you need a blanket for? Let me have it back right now!’
‘No,” said Katrinka, ‘what’s given is given.’
‘You. . .you. . .you bad rock! Don’t you care that I’m freezing to death? Look at my finger nails. Look at my lips. My nose is running. Don’t you care that I could catch a cold and die?’ Weasel jerked the blanket from off Katrinka the Rock and slung it over his shoulder and dripping wet head. ‘So there! That’s the end of it.’
‘By no means the end of it,’ rumbled the rock.
Weasel went back to the cave. Just then the rain and hail stopped and the sun came out, hot and bright. Weasel and Fox lay down outside the cave to warm themselves up. They took out some of their supplies, like bread and butter, and began munching happily away. After finishing this up, they took out their pipes and lit up, letting the smoke lazily climb into the air, creating circles and whorls.
All of a sudden, Fox sat upright. ‘What’s that noise?’
‘What noise? I don’t hear anything.’
‘There’s a crashing and a rumbling far off.’
Weasel sat up and pricked up his ears, drawing deeply on his fine pipe. ‘Yes. Now I hear something.’
‘It’s getting louder and louder, like thunder or an earthquake.’
‘It is rather strong and loud. I wonder what it could be.’
They listened for awhile.
‘I have a pretty good idea, friend,’ said Fox. ‘Look there!’
Just then, they saw the great rock Katrinka, rolling and thundering and crashing down upon them.
‘Run for it!’ shouted Fox, taking to his heels. ‘Katrinka intends to kill us!’
Weasel took out after Fox and they ran as fast as they could. But the rock kept gaining on them.
‘Let’s swim the river!’ suggested Weasel ‘The rock is so heavy it will sink.’
So they swam the river. So, too, did rock, crashing over the bounding main.
‘Quick! Into the timber, among the trees,’ shouted Fox. ‘That big rock surely can’t get through that old growth forest.’
So into the woods they ran, running circles around the trees and cutting this way and that trying to lose the following rock. But to no avail. Katrinka the Rock tore on through the woods, cutting a swathe a kilometre wide, splintering and squashing everything in sight.
The two emerged onto the flatlands, prairie stretching from here to eternity, with rolling hills that would only enhance Katrinka’s approach.
Fox turned to Weasel and cried, ‘Oh, friend, this is really not my quarrel. I’ve just remembered I have something important to attend to, so I can’t continue to accompany you.’ Fox rolled into a little ball and squirreled himself away in a badger hole.
Weasel ran on and on, looking back at the rock gaining on him. What a predicament. Weasel tripped and Katrinka rolled right over him, flattening him like a pancake. The rock took back the blanket and returned to his place on the path, saying, ‘So there!’
A rancher rode by and saw Weasel lying on the ground. ‘What a fine rug this will make.’ He picked up the Weasel skin and rode on home, putting Weasel right in front of the fireplace.”
“That’s the story?” The whimpy cocked a disbelieving eye at his taller and straighter hero-companion.
“Yep.”
“Well, that’ll learn ‘im, eh? What’s given’s given.”
“Oh, another DIY sign.”
“Yeah. He’s everywhere. Owns ever’thing’n ever’body.”
“I see he owns the newspaper, too.”
“Sure does.”
“Must be something else to read. Quite amusing.”
“Used t’be but now it’s boring. ‘Course, no one notices anything. Leastways, ain’t no one sayin’ nothin’.”
“A reporter’s gotta keep his job, y’know.”
“Th’hell you say! Why just this winter Gyorgy Yabu bought the Brazos river and none o’ them ink-stained fingers had anything but fine words and praise and good predictions for future prosperity.”
“He did?”
“Sure thing. Said he was gonna make sure ever’body got water. Then he built a dam and we gotta pay ferit. Tastes kinda funny, if’n y’ask me. So, I prefer my Jack Black with sa’s’parilla t’other days.”
“He can’t do that! Why, people will go thirsty for not being able to buy a natural resource.”
“Well, he done it. ‘Bout 50-60 people died in the last six months. That’s about. . .let me figger. . .2% of the town.”
“Two percent? Why, that’s a pandemic!”
“All the more water for him, says the newspaper. His ranch is prosperin’. Nice fat cows. . .green trees. . .fruit galore.”
“I hear tell not all those cows are his.”
“You hear right. Say. . .where’d you hear that? You only been in town a few hours.” Buck stopped to survey Hellecchino.
“I told you. I’m a hero. I got second sight.” Hellecchino patted the man on the head. “Solving the cow problem’s no problem.”
“Every’body’s afraid of doin’ anything t’prove it.”
“Ain’t nobody here willing to stand up and say what needs to be said?”
“Not on yer life. Gyorgy Yabu owns the law.”
“Well, who’s cowherd has Yabu raided the most?”
“Guy by the name of Albert Cicifous.”
“Albert got a last name?”
“Yeah. But you don’t wanna know it. ‘Sides, I can’t pernounce it.”
Well, then, you go on and tell Albert to buy himself a can of pink paint and paint his cows under-hooves. Next day when he’s missing some more cows, he needs to ride over to Yabu’s and point this out to him.”
“Good idea. Don’t know why nobody thought of it afore.” Buck suddenly ducked behind Hellecchino, making himself as small as possible, kind of like Fox did to escape Weasel’s fate. “Looky there. That’s Gyorgy Yabu comin’ down the street now.”
“No-ooo problem,” said Hellecchino without breaking stride.
Gyorgy Yabu was taller than Sheriff Medusi Minkowski IV. And he was wearing the latest in Western fashion in the latest sloven style, as adopted by the great fashion houses of the Old World. Impeccable. With a thin-lipped smirking chimp kind of a smile and truly large monkey ears, rat’s eyes and a long, thin foxy nose, all under a white, floppy 10-gallon hat set back rakishly on his pointy little head. His feet were large and he slumped along the dusty street with a Dickensian pressured, long striding walk that said, “I wish I had 10-league boots, so I’m pretending, I’ll walk all over you.” And as Hellecchino approached, he grew himself taller so Yabu’d have to look up to him. When they stopped, virtually toe to toe, Hellecchino beamed down on him the most obsequiously gracious smile full of gleaming Hollywood star teeth.
“My name’s Hellecchino.”
“I know who you are. You don’t know me. I’m Gyorgy Yabu and I own this town and everything in it.”
“So I heard.”
“You heard about me?”
“Sure thing. You’re the greatest. Everyone loves you.”
“Really?”
“Sure thing. Why, even back where I come from people know who you are.”
“Well, I’ll be damned. You hear that boys?”
Yabu turned to his entourage, about three or four cowboys decked out in the latest cowboy fashion and with spurs that jingle-jangle-jingled when they walked–and when they were not moving, for they could not keep still, always shifting their weight around. A cookie cutter could not have cut out such similar shapes nor an oven baked them to such equal sugar cookie-soft whiteness.
“Yes, sir, Mr. Yabu, sir,” they chorused very like the Vienna Boys Choir, the oldest boys choir in the world. So old, in fact, that most moderns figured they were castrati.
“I hear you abused my sheriff and I don’t like people abusing my people,” said Yabu in a pug-nosed sort of way.
“Really? I don’t recall abusing a man. I’m not into abuse. But I’ll tell you what. . .some guy with double holsters and a bright shining star took out his guns and emptied their chambers at me and I call that downright unneighborly.”
“That ain’t the way I heard it and my people don’t lie to me. They know what happens to liars. Sinners go to hell.”
“They do?”
“Yes. They do. So don’t you go lying or you’ll burn in damnation internally.”
“I’ll remember that, little fella.”
“I’m not so little and you’re not so tall.”
“Taller than you.”
“I ride tall in the saddle.”
Hellecchino looked around behind Yabu and asked, “When’s the last time you been on a horse?”
“I don’t like your kind. You better shape up or get out.”
“Ah, yes. I will do that. But first I’m thirsty. I understand you own all the water hereabouts.”
“That’s right. You wanna drink, you come to me.”
“Well, I’m here. Comin’ atcha big buddy.”
“You gotta pay.”
“Well, now. I can’t very well pay for something I don’t know the quality of. But I’ll tell you what. . .I got this here conch shell, a relic from ancient China, that I’ll swap ya for a good long drink. Then, if I like the water, I’ll buy into the program.”
“Lemme see the conk shell.”
Hellecchino whipped out of nowhere a big, beautiful, pink-shaded on the interior conch shell and held it out to Gyorgy Yabu. Gyorgy Yabu’s eyes grew big and round, though they still looked like rat’s eyes, close-set and real small in diameter. Before you could say Jack Robinson, Yabu’s hand shot out and snapped up the sea shell the Chinese once sold on the sea shore–and inland, too. He began drooling and his nose twitched.
“Come on out to the dammed. I’ll give ya yore drank.”
So they all trooped over to the north bend of the Brazos River, just above Tonk’s Crossing, where the Indian’s had been cleared out in the name of advancing civilization. And there it was. The dammed water. In a pool that was growing all the time into a silvery shining lake beneath the East Central Texas sun, swallowing up the scrub brush and scrawny trees and beavers. Hellecchino could see a few of the latter’s tails floating in the water. They weren’t going anywhere, either. And Hellecchino walked down to the lakeside and he bent over and stuck his head into the water. He drank for some time before he came up for air.
“How’s it taste? Good, huh?” prompted Yabu.
“I’m not so sure. But it doesn’t matter. I’m not done taking my long drink you promised me.”
“Alright. You finish up. No one ever called me a liar and a cheat and a thief. I got the best of everything.”
And, once again, Hellecchino submerged his head in the water and drank. After a minute or three, he came up for air, spluttered, held his finger up and dove back down to get his fill.
“I wonder how it is a person can drink so much,” mused Yabu aloud.
“We think so, too, Mr. Yabu, sir,” echoed the high counter-tenored trio or quartet behind him. Buck thought how nice it was to hear good three or four part harmony out here on the plains where sharpened tones and contrasting melodies were the norm, sounding like yowling cats on the prowl for pussy in the backyard. And he wondered if he might get a swallow of that cool, clear water too. So, he hitched himself down to the water’s edge and stood there as if he were watching Hellecchino near-drown himself to death. All eyes turned quickly and suspiciously in his direction. But Buck bugabooed not a bit. When Yabu and the halleluiah chorus returned their pre-possessing eyes back to Hellecchino, Buck struck. Falling to his lesser knee, he whipped out his portable Dylan Thomas shot glass and dipped. It is said that even the least perturbance creates a massive ripple effect in the space-time continuum and so it was with Buck’s dip, for Yabu’s hand shot out and plucked the host glass out of Buck’s hand and shot it out into the middle of the nigh-lake.
“Thought you could hoodwink me, didja, halfman?”
Buck’s lips trembled, kissing air. Closed, bliss-expecting eyelids fluttered.
“You wanna huntin’ with Clyde Moyen Bucket?” (Pronounced “bouquet.”)
The moment of limping Mexican stand-off was ended when one o the yes-men piped up, “Surely he’s got to be coming up soon.”
“Maybe, sir, he’s doing something down there.”
“No, no. He said he was taking a long drink and nobody would think of putting one over on me.”
“Of course not. Who could?”
“You got that right boys.”
Buck sighed.
However. . .Hellecchino was doing something down there. He was digging out under the dam all the time his head was under water. After all, he had to put his hands into the dammed water to stop himself from falling in and drowning. A drowned man was a pollutant. So nobody up top thought anything about it, though. That is, Gyorgy Yabu and his yoe-men didn’t think anything about it. After all, who was there in the world who could outsmart them–Him, huh? Besides, there were no bubbles, so Hellecchino must be drinking.
“That conk shell must be worth a fortune,” mused Yabu, rubbing his chin and smirking.
Finally, Hellecchino came up for air, shook his hair throwing water everywhere around him like a soaked dog just in from the pouring rain and pronounced his verdict, “That’s dammed fine water.”
Just then, the dam burst and the water went out into the valley and made creeks and rivers and mini-waterfalls, this being the plains. More or less.
“Look what you did to my water, you varmint!” shouted Yabu, stomping his foot and jumping up and down. If pushed, he could also chew gum and walk at the same time.
“The Great Big Bang Creator of the Universe and Everything Under the Sun did not make the water for anyone to own. He or She made it for everyone. Besides, if you got it all unto yourself, when everyone around you dies of dehydration ’cause they can’t afford to buy your resource, what kind of riches you got?” Yabu took his too-big hat off and began scratching his head and screwing up his face. His cowboy chorus followed suit. “You see. . .if you’re the only one, you may be on top but you’re also the last one.”
Before DIY could gather its wits about itself, Hellecchino bounded off laughing and screeching like a mad duck, Buck the Blighted fast on his heels despite his unwholesome leg. Hellecchino’s hysteria echoed around the small copes of trees as if nature herself were mocking the Yabu Water Reclamation Project.
It was all pretty comical.
When Hellecchino returned to the underworld, he told Edgar he might write a book about it, in his next life. “Horror story?” queried Edgar deadpan. “No. Comic book,” replied Hellecchino. And then he went back to sleep. But that was not til later.

unbreakable fetters of adamantine

January 2, 2008

A powder room. A dressing room. A place to change one’s appearance, to maintain the mask, the cover-up for the night. Or the day. Day or night. Night and day. It doesn’t matter for the actor. Actors act on and off the stage. A different kind of love in each case. Adoration. Affirmation. All accolades. All because she can successfully sit before a mirror and change herself over. Put on a sham with an exquisite touch. She is good at it. Very good. Perhaps because she likes it, the character acting. She is an honor roll student at her profession.
‘I’m the proud parent of a—.”
Only she is no parent. Has no children. She never let herself have any. Never let herself go that much. Never let herself go that far. Never let herself go. Never so much as to really be with a man.
Making her fashion is a forte. It is her guard, holding herself aloof. Keeping just enough distance to keep herself clean and alluring. Maintaining virginity. It is the bait that is desirable. A carefully decorated hook. A disguised piano wire.
But there really isn’t a man worth his weight. Not many worth their dicks, either. Maybe there just aren’t any worthwhile men? None for her. Men are men. It is all the same to her. It. She takes her pleasure with whomever. Even if he is lousy, she finds something to pleasure her. She has to. Otherwise she won’t have survived. She can’t just lay back and let it happen. Hoping it will be over. Using her muscles and hips.
Once. . .once she’d had a. . .pretty good man.
* * *
Early in history, dressing rooms were called closets. Places where costumes were kept and façades were kept. A place where men were kept, entertained in a teasing sort of way. Then boudoirs came into fashion. More clothes, more fashion, more men crept in. They became the highlight of the evening. Then the boudoir was replaced by the bedroom. Closer and closer to the real thing.
* * *
“Play hard to get,” mom had said. “No man wants an easy piece.”
Something she did, though. Sometimes. Easy. With ease.
“It’s like fly fishing,” her father had said. “Keep a loose wrist. The rod’s just an extension of your hand. Your body rhythm keeps that line arcing, coming back in better and better ellipses til the moment of casting. Then it’s just a matter of reeling it in.”
* * *
Just a touch of reality was enough. A nose-powdering to take care of the glare. That was good. Just enough to keep him coming. Then she had the last say. Yeah. She had to have the last say. Even sometimes when she was wrong. Sometimes she erred. But she usually came away with something. The last say. A powdered nose. A touch of reality.
* * *
But the bedroom changed, too. To the parlor. Here, one could be watched, by everybody. Like an entranceway, coming and goings manipulated with politesse. The affair lost its allure. Its hue. The shadow flying out across the water was the tempting morsel. And so the parlor led to the car seat and sleazy motels and, eventually, anywhere. When you’re hot and ready, where isn’t as important as when.
* * *
She smiled wryly. In she went to get the spirit and out she came to practice the message.
For her, the pre-game show was just color commentary. After that, it was decorum, demeanor and dissembling. Then, back to the closet. A practicing disciple following her long historical precedent. There was no need for her to advertize. No need to shout from the top of the mountain, “I’m a cunt!” No. They knew she was a cunt. Men loved a cunt. Probably because they were just dicks baying at the moon. Big mouth bass coming to the surface to snatch that fly.
Once. . .once. . .there had been. . .
* * *
She stood at the door to her boudoir. She liked the name: boudoir. It excited the romantic sentiments in her. Her place. She was the boss here. This was her secret closet. At just the right geometric angle, her large dressing table with its large triptych mirror was placed to good advantage. A man couldn’t tell when this woman was watching him watch her.
The outer room she called her odalisque. There, she had the Romanesque-Art deco divan draped decorously with a woven silk-fringed shawl, which she never wore.
The bed was in the next room. Five or six thick, hand-made futons piled high and soft so she sank into their plush interior. The pile of bedding sat in the middle of the room. She liked wide-open spaces. That was an aesthetic she’d picked up in her travels. And, oh, she had travelled a lot! A plush middle-Eastern flying carpet was spread before the fireplace grating. A few throw pillows.
The windows to the street were only half-blinded. She liked showing off her well-kept body like her well-kept face. No one could see the lift surgery or the adjustment to her jowls. Anything to keep her from looking like her mother, a once-pretty woman who has overused, stretched chipmunk cheeks and turtle-like folds at her neck.
“Well,” she said to herself, “time’s a-wastin’.” And into her make-up room, her artist’s garret, she went to once again create her magic.
Like every good artist, she had a plethora of masks to choose from. They were ranged about her closet in tasteful fashion. She smiled at them. She smiled at herself. She sat down at her piano bench, back straight as a ramrod, waist so slim an Edwardian lady would have swooned for want of it, gently rounded heart-shaped hips–no Rubensian over-exposure for her, though she did have a finely rounded ass.
Men liked a good ass and she gave it to them every morning with gluteal exercises–and maybe some stomach crunches to flatten her belly and emphasize her mound of Venus. And her ass. Like everything else about her, she picked and chose her assets. Her exhibition pieces.
Someone had called her a choosy bitch. Once. The bitch!
“I’m so slow today.”
She looked at the triple image of herself. Two three-quarter profiles and a magnified frontal. She was much more than a whole person.
“What is it, my love?”
She pouted into the mirrors.
“What is it?”
She leaned forward for a better look.
“No saggy-waggies under the eyes. Little, feathered-out crow’s feet men find so intriguing. And the little chicken pox scar just below the corner of my left eye for the men who like flawed beauty. Like a blue diamond. A little chink in the armor. A hole in the. . .mask. It always manages to peek through for just enough weakness. My windmill. Men are not Sancho Panzas!”
She leaned on her elbows.
“That’s the best of all–no Sancho Panzas. No discerning eyes. God–what would I do with one of then?”
Silence.
“I take what’s mine by right. Divine Right. After all, God was a woman first and foremost. Only we give life. And then we give and give and give. And then we have the life taken away from us and made into a damned mystery. A curse. Trivialize it. Isolate it. Give it back so it’s ours again. But something’s missing. Instead of life coming into life, we’ve been burned into a painful repository. A thrusting place to be used, not worshipped. Fucking two-faced bastards! That’s why you take what’s yours, honey. Your birthright–mother, virgin, whore.”
Sigh. Her body sank in on itself.
“So. . .what’s wrong with the masquerade tonight, Sadie Ladie? High cheek bones with just a hint of youthful blush. Slightly almond-shaped eyes. Long lashes. The full-lipped mouth barely rouged a light coral tint. That wet look. Like I’ve just done one man and now I’m ready for the next. It’s so successful, why do I feel I should change it? I must be losing it. I must be! Look at the way I’m sitting! Come on. Straighten up, old girl. It’s not long now til the need for a veneer won’t be so obvious. Cranky old ladies get to say whatever they want. Look however they want.”
She leaned forward some more, her forearms stretched along the glass-surfaced table, almost another mirror with the high sheen of the wood beneath. Japanese red cedar to roseate the lifted chin and smooth cheeks. To make her look healthy.
“So, why do I worry? I’m not nearly so old. But I feel like shit. Well, then, let’s make a change. Just enough for people to wonder at. What’s different about you, honey? They’ll be surprised it’s me! Just me. The one-eighth Algonquin Indian girl with the. . .with the. . .what? Just the right look. Je ne sais quoi. With the white lovers? What a pollution. What’s being Indian have to do with anything? A cunt’s a cunt. But I’m on the rolls. An authentic Indian fuck. So, I can pay and pay and pay. I’m a pay sausage-making machine!”
She bowed her head. No diluted offspring for her. She was the last of the line.
“Is it any wonder we look for financial stablemates? Love be damned, we need to get something for the time we spend on our backs. Just once. . .once. . . . Love isn’t all, honey. Don’t moon. It’s what he’s got in the seat of his pants that counts. It’s the bankroll that sells. Sex is just the way to getting it. If it isn’t that good, well, that’s the price you have to pay. A lover on the side can liven things up a bit. A gigolo with no standards and no ethics. Who cares? A cock’s a cock. It just takes up space. Money, on the other hand. . .now, there’s something you can get a grip on. Do something with. Make something of. Yeah. Something that doesn’t use itself up. Money changes a girl. Yessir, it surely do!”
Her voice changed to a sugary drawl.
“It sure do. There’s nothing like money to make a woman’s heart go pitta-pat. Atrial fib. A little extra warmth in the chest, a tightness in the throat.”
She pressed her hands together and looked up.
“That’s why the fashioning is so important. They have to feel I’m worth it. Men are so easy! Suckers for a good fly fisher of men. A female Christ. A virgin mother. And I am certainly that! I move with grace and fortitude. Not even number two could fathom my depths. That could be it, though. Stringing them out. I had two lovers with him. Mark Twain. By the time he found out, I was able to. . . once. . . . Boy did I come out the winner on that one! A house and a $17,000 debt that became his responsibility. What a fool! He still loves me. After all I did to him. Raped him. Flayed him. Hung him up to dry and beat him with a switch. All of that love and joining of souls hogwash he believed in. Well. . .if he wishes to believe that, okay. Let him have his fantasy. If I get too tired, I’ll just open the gate again and let him in.”
She leaned back, to get a better look, to see her pride.
“His letters are wonderful epistles of love. Maybe I’ll publish them one day. A little love-letter package. Proof that men are easy. Ruled by the flesh between their legs. Long or short, what does it matter? It’s all the same thing. All the same.”
In a frustrated movement, she kicked her piano bench away from the table, slamming it against the opposite wall.
She stared at the assortment of visages, of shrouds that crowded her walls. All around her. Staring back at her with cold, black, blank eyes. Feral animals. So many to choose from!
She toned down the lights on her mirrors. She did not want to look at herself any more, not as she was at any rate. Not now. She was dissatisfied now. She couldn’t let that get in the way. She had to concentrate on the evening’s goal.
She looked down at her red lace crotchless panties. Her thigh-high silk stockings, shimmering white. No garter belt. No bra. Yes. She was ready. But what face would she be tonight?
A new one was in order. She’d been wearing this one successfully for a long time. She called it her Poor pitiful Pierrette. She’d worn it for so long she’d almost forgotten she had it on. It had become so very comfortable. She had friends because of it. A support group. People who believed in her. And best of all, she was quite successful in business: who could resist such a face?
She thought about the diamond teardrop variation but she was really looking for something different. Which one? There were quite a number to choose from, really. It had taken her a lifetime to build up her collection. Her gallery. Her wallflowers, as she liked to call them. She smiled up at them, spaced so evenly about, a firmament of well-placed stars on a rich azure background. Evenly spaced. Even-handedly spaced. An unmoved mover’s geometric logic.
Which one? Which one?
She could sit in her niche for hours looking at these different facets of herself. She liked their brooding lives. She could make things happen with them. She could put together a world with just one accoutrement.
But she was just a little tired tonight. The deftness and swiftness of choice and characterization was no longer with her. Her impetuosity had slowed. She’d noticed this happening over time. A slight slowing, like a lingering disease. Or maybe the beginning of one. Early onset intellectual glaucoma. it just wasn’t as easy as before. The thrill was gone.
“No,” she whispered. “Not gone. Just. . .delayed.”
There was more of an effort involved now. After these many years. One would think, with her experience and repertoire, she’d have nabbed her fish by now but there was no catch for her. Maybe there would never be. But the times. . .the times. . . . The old days. The past. The times. The moments of heady success, of stroking her trump card. Once. . .
The masks around the mirrors were a joy to her. Each new façade the thrill of putting on a show that could never be replaced, would never end. The high of making each new guise work, moving in its world, carrying life through to actualization. The adrenaline rush. Each conceit manipulated to perfection so that life came out of its half-shell. Life, like a disease, took over the wooden body. The mask and the body always bent together. Trout and lure.
She heaved a great sigh. Morbidly vaudevillian romantic. Stilted realistic.
“It’s so hard today.”
She shut the lights off and the sat in the dark.
She sat an inordinately long time. The masks floating in and out of focus, dancing silhouettes around a fire. Now seen, now enshrouded. As her attention took shape, she began to feel funny. Displaced and a little dizzy. The cowls were difficult to look at. They framed the three-eyed dressing table and gleamed out of the glassed table top like dark edifices of dead Greek heroes. Ancient armor. Tarnished livery–chivalry.
The little dressing room pressed in about her. The air was a little oppressive.
She put her hand to her throat and drew in a deep breath. She tried to fight the feeling, to let it sweep over her and pass through her so she could better see, better perceive her through-line of action. She began blinking, attempting to wink out the blackness around the edges but she finally flipped the switch and the lights about the triptych burst into flame, casting her regalia with eerie shadow lives. Chins and lower lips. Cheeks. Pieces of rhinestone jewelry.
Knowing exactly what she looked like, would be looking like, was important. Tonight. It was easy when she knew what was expected. It was the actor’s choice: being and knowing of one’s being at the same time.
“Self-conscious awareness,” she mumbled to herself. “Why am I so jaded tonight?”
In truth, she had been avoiding her closet lately, afraid of the improvisation. The improvidence. Maybe she should simply brush up a bit. But her masquerade beckoned and she could not, after all, resist. So, she’d gotten dressed and entered her little room for the coup de grace and couldn’t back down. Not now. She knew her prey for the evening. The how and the why and the wherefore. But still she hesitated.
She stood and pulled on a thin mantlet and folded it about herself. Right over left. She did not use a tie to fasten it but held it in place with her hand. The cloth felt cool and grateful against her body.
She moved into the glaring circle of light and reached out to ouch the Columbine. It was smooth and smiled quietly back at her, eyes demurely lowered. But she could be regal, too, not just innocent–and with no more than a slight shift in the tilt of the head. Imperious at a harsher angle upward; submissive down.
This particular shell was her bread and butter. Everyone liked Columbine. So sweet and pure and wanton. A greeting. The absorbing caress of acceptance. This was her ravishment. Taking the beguiled. Number two had particularly found it enthralling. The allurement brought out a duality in him. The gentle, thoughtful dominator. Many’s the time they had spent the weekends ensconced in the house–her house–playing Columbine games until exhausted. Fleshed out. It was times like those that she once had. . .once. . .once. . .
This net was good closing material in her business dealings as well. Just a slight hint of sex brought the hardest of men to their knees, contract signed and sealed just as she wanted. No quarter asked, none given. All on the take. And, of course, sometimes the tease would not be contested. That is, sometimes she made a sacrifice. After all, they had to be made to feel in control.
Her hand moved with her eyes and came to rest on Diamantina, the beaten or maybe the beater. In either case, Diamantina could–and would–get what she wanted. Large, heavily lashed, wide-open eyes with deep, deep, pupils. Like a Noh mask, there was no conjunction. She could not only see through tunnel vision eyes, as if she were a split brain, a bicameral mind navigating through time and space with two different maps, but she could be the double persona. And to think they called multiple personalities psychotic!
The slight disorientation, the feeling of loss and confusion, worked because men were so very paternalistic, so cocksure they could take care of her. Diamantina never wanted for a guide. Only, more often than not, it was she who led them down the garden path to the green door where the only handle was on the outside and it was broken.
Was it number three who suffered the consequences of this maiden? Soft and polite, her lilting voice danced jigs and subtle minuets around any man’s head. Diamantina, the flashing beauty. But once they took her to hand, the gig was up. These men were no more than laundry lists. Alimony, a house and a restraining order. That’s all it took to defrock the priest. El Capitano brought to his knees.
“Ahh,” she intoned as her fingers found another guise. “Fiorinetta. My very, very favorite.”
With her, the bait taken was refreshened nightly. Any time, any place Ms. Rake took hers. Men appreciated being ravished as much as women and with Ms. Fiorinetta, innocence turned into an insatiable little tart. Lascivious Lolita, loyal only to the flesh and capable of far more submissive a seduction than washing a man’s feet with her hair.
She sat down and squeezed her thighs together.
“Oh, yes, I remember. I remember. It was with that virile body-builder. Number three. He did my morning exercises with Fiorinetta. Ha-hah! An exercise in futility. Begun in the nude and finished with his masturbating directly into my vagina. Right on target from–how far away? It doesn’t matter. In or out, it was masturbation for him. I got off, then, watching his river of come spew over my lips.”
She pulled her chemise closer about her.
“It’s true what they say about athletes. They peak early. Dammit! A girl has a right, too. Doesn’t she?”
Pause.
Or perhaps, as her eyes roved over more of the masters of deception, she’d chose a little less blatant an approach. Possibly pastoral Amarilli would do the trick. Of course, she would do the trick. All of them would! Could. Did. Very well, thank you. That was the whole point: to take one’s due. To take one’s dew. There was nothing personal in her treatment of a man. Why should there be? Two separate bodies. Two separate souls. Ragged, waggish souls. Spirited encounters but definitely not spiritual. There was no way she would let a man rag on her, not since she’d learned to give as she got.
“You give me trash, I give you trash back. Margaret Atwood, hymning a pig.”
She sighed and looked away into the darkness around her, the chaos out of which life was born.
In the beginning was the word. And what was the word? It was her. Hers. Hers alone. It never touched another soul except as succubus.
She was tired of the game. That’s why tonight was so. . .unidentifiable. Perhaps, as she was, untouchable. Unsatisfied. Dissatisfied. But without a mask, without a shield, a castle keep, she was nothing. She needed her enameled skin, her horned dermis in order to live. Every animal had it’s skin. Skin was necessary to keep the outside from imposing on the inside. Overwhelming it. The casque. Feral her. Never once touched. No. Not true. Once. . .
There! That one. That was to be it: Isabelle. The intellectual one. The one who wold take a chance on a razed sailor’s dream. So. . .she would take her chance. tonight. She would reach out and touch what she didn’t have herself, intelligence and stupidity. Definition and altruity. A living up to and giving up to. She had nothing but emptiness to give anyway. So, intellectuality was, of course, the correct course.
Isabelle had once gotten her a man. Once. Once upon a time. One day.
She faced the mirror front-on, feeling tired and haggard, and began to strip off the mask she had worn for so long. She’d worn it for so long the fiction had entered into the reality and as she tore frantically at her face, she pulled off great patches of fascia. Her fingernails, dermis- and DNA-encrusted, ripped red valleys into her face. As she watched the destruction of Aphrodite in Repose, she created the desecration of herself. The face ran with blood and glared out at her from worn, bloodshot eyes.
* * *
In the end, then, she’d lost the reality. There was no more acting. She was just feeling. A mass of feeling. A mask of feeling. Her pain became a super-reality, a surreal sketch with nothing to offer but a desert, a desert after its first and only rainfall. In toto, she was a dadaist persona, a destructed personality to be fulfilled only once. In the end.
* * *
She stared emptily at the carnage, the assassination of herself.
“Here it is. Come and get it. The carcass is on the block. The fingerprint of life is here for all to see,” she said.
The demi-lune could not be changed. She had saved face to lose face. She could not now walk out into the sun. The sunshine.
* * *
What, exactly, is a dream? And what, exactly, is a joke?